Hard Truth: Your Character Dictates Your Willpower
For willpower to become a factor in a choice you are making, there must be a character rule you are attempting to follow to define yourself. This is a fundamental mindset truth. For example, if you don’t think there is a rule that prevents you from eating your child’s entire bag of Halloween candy, you may do this and feel totally fine about it. On the other hand, if you think that behavior is selfish or undisciplined, no matter how good the candy taste you will use your willpower to stop yourself.
Willpower is simply the idea that one can control an impulsive temptation to behave badly by exercising mental restraint. However, the idea that a behavior is “bad” is a character judgement. This judgement in the moment when you need willpower creates a confusing relationship between willpower and character.
Character is the mental, moral, and ethical qualities that define an individual. Although the term character is singular, it implies a plurality of these qualities. Qualities we all use to judge whether we believe something is good or bad. These judgements are then used to formulate the rules we follow to define our individual character qualities.
Going back to the Halloween candy example, willpower is not what actually stops you from eating all of your child’s candy. Willpower is only a conduit for the power of your beliefs. It’s your beliefs about “what is bad”, “not that bad”, and “okay just this one time” that powers your willpower. These beliefs come from the character traits that are instilled in you. In addition, these character traits come with a set of rules that you enforce on yourself, and that society enforces.
Simply stated, if you believe you have a problem with willpower, you’re wrong. Your problem is either with your character, your beliefs about your character, or the rules you follow to support your character. The only way to change your willpower is to change what you believe about your character. However, it’s far easier for the ego to accept a willpower problem than a character problem. So, denial is truly the first obstacle to overcome before you can overcome a problem with your willpower.