Three Questions to Help You Evaluate Negative Feedback
Negative feedback is always difficult to swallow in the moment. My rule of thumb is to never respond to the feedback with anything other than open ears. While it’s true that not all negative feedback is useful and may require you to take it with a grain of salt, it’s still not useful to debate with someone who is providing you with useless feedback. Therefore, listening and reflecting internally is always better than debating with someone who is offering up their negative feedback.
In addition, because negative feedback can be so personal it’s best to process it objectively rather than subjectively. Too much ego, self-esteem, and self-confidence can easily cause you to miss out on acting on quality feedback. What’s more, the opposite effect of too little ego, self-esteem, and self-confidence can cause you to internalize feedback you should ignore.
Subsequently, the process I recommend uses a three question objective evaluation.
1) Does the person giving the feedback approach the feedback with a growth mindset or a fixed mindset?
When the person giving the feedback is giving you a way forward by suggesting processes for improvement and ways to appreciate the process more, then this suggest a growth mindset. This is a sign of good feedback you should likely listen to.
On the other hand, if the person giving the feedback is attempting to shame you, make you feel unworthy, or tell you that you can’t improve then this suggest a fixed mindset. This is feedback you should ignore.
2) What is the emotional state of the person giving the feedback?
If the person giving the feedback is angry, upset, or overly emotional then it’s best to ignore their feedback. They are probably lashing out at you to make you feel bad and not trying to help you.
3) Have you received this same feedback before from someone else?
A great sign that you should likely listen to and act on some feedback is when you keep getting the same feedback from different people. It’s unlikely that you would keep getting the same feedback from different people unless it was valid. On the other hand, if all other feedback you get is contrary to this one person’s negative feedback then it’s probably okay to ignore it.