Disciplining a Child vs Personal Discipline – Tony Dungy’s Perspective
Today I cam across a thought provoking quote from Tony Dungy on disciplining a child:
Discipline is not punishment.
Dungy was sharing this part of his parenting philosophy in a post titled How to Balance Grace and Discipline with Your Kids. Dungy states the following about disciplining a child:
Discipline is not punishment. There can be punishment, but discipline is thinking, what can I do to modify behavior and mold a heart in the right direction.
My Approach to Personal Discipline Vs. Disciplining a Child
Tony Dungy’s point that discipline is not a punishment really made me think about my own parenting style and how I approach discipline.
On the one hand, I approach personal discipline with routines and habits. When I get off track I work hard not to punish myself with negative self-talk as research shows this is counter productive. When I want to change something I work it into a routine and don’t expect immediate results. Rather, I work to change things over time. I’ve learned the best approach to personal discipline is to use grace not punishment.
On the other hand, my approach to disciplining my children is typically not so graceful. I yell, I use punishments, and typically want behavior changes immediately. This is clearly a bad approach. Stepping back and looking at discipline from the perspective of how I discipline myself, I now see there is a better way.
There is no reason why parents can’t approach disciplining a child in the same way we approach personal discipline. I am going to try the following behavior changes when I discipline my children going forward:
- Replace yelling with positive affirmations
- Replace punishments with new routines and habit forming schedules
- Change my expectations of immediate behavior changes to working with my children to track small improvements over time
What do you think? Do yo believe punishment should be a last resort when disciplining a child? Do you think you can approach disciplining your children the same way you approach personal discipline?