A child who never learns to chase their own dreams will grow up only knowing how to run from yours. Imagine watching your child go through the motions—playing the game, running the drills—but with a look of emptiness behind their eyes. What was once their passion is now just a chore, and the fire that used to burn bright is barely a flicker. You want them to succeed so badly that you push harder, thinking it will light that spark again. But instead, it dims their spirit even more. No medal, no scholarship, no championship is worth watching your child fall out of love with something they once found fun—or worse, fall out of love with themselves.
Why Pushing Too Hard Hurts More Than It Helps
It’s easy to confuse pushing with supporting, but there’s a critical difference. Encouragement feels like an open hand guiding them forward; pushing feels like a shove from behind, leaving them no choice but to move. When kids feel pushed, they stop enjoying the process and start focusing only on avoiding your disappointment.
Encouragement builds confidence, while pushing erodes it. Kids who feel supported believe in their ability to achieve on their own. They begin to take ownership of their progress and set their own standards of excellence. On the other hand, when you push too hard, your child may feel like their worth depends solely on meeting your expectations. This can lead to resentment, stress, and eventually burnout.
Pay attention to how you speak to your child about their performance. Are you focusing on what they could improve, or celebrating what they’ve already accomplished? Encouragement is about highlighting their effort, not just their results. It’s saying, “I love watching you play,” instead of, “Why didn’t you work harder?”
Pushing too hard shifts the focus from their love of the game to your need for control. To truly help them grow, you must give them room to explore their limits without fear of judgment. That’s how they learn to trust themselves and develop self-motivation—qualities that last far beyond their time in sports.
Encouragement says, “I believe in you, no matter what.” Pushing says, “You’ll only be good enough if you do more.” The difference is subtle but life-changing for your child. Choose encouragement, and you’ll raise an athlete who thrives on their own terms.
Empower, Don’t Overpower
Your role as a parent is to empower, not overpower. Show them that they matter more than your expectations. Cheer for their small wins, not just the big ones. Celebrate when they step outside their comfort zone, even if the result isn’t perfect. Growth happens in the uncomfortable moments, and your praise should reflect that progress. Empowerment means teaching them that failure is not an endpoint but a step toward success.
To empower your child, you must let go of the need to control their every move. Give them the freedom to make choices, even if those choices lead to mistakes. These mistakes teach lessons far better than your instructions ever could. Let them take ownership of their routines, their preparation, and their goals. By stepping back, you’re not abandoning them—you’re showing them that you trust them to figure things out and grow.
Conclusion: How to Empower Your Child
Raising a confident and independent child doesn’t require being perfect, but it does require thoughtfulness. Here are a few ways to focus on empowering them:
- Celebrate Effort Over Results: Praise effort, not just the wins. Show them that effort always matters more than perfection.
- Ask Questions Instead of Giving Orders: Encourage them to think for themselves by asking reflective questions like, “What’s your plan?” or “How do you want to improve?”
- Let Them Learn Through Struggle: Allow them to face challenges head-on without stepping in to rescue them. Struggle is where real growth happens. Stand by them, but don’t shield them from tough lessons.
- Encourage Their Goals, Not Yours: Help them define their own goals, rather than pushing your vision onto them.
- Remind Them They’re Loved: Make sure they know your support doesn’t depend on their performance. They need to feel secure to grow.
When you empower your child, you’re teaching them to believe in themselves. Step back and let them lead their journey. They might just surprise you with how far they can go when you give them the freedom to grow without being pushed.