What Does it Really Mean to Focus on What You Control?
In sports, business, and life, we’re often told: “Focus on what you can control.” But what does that really mean? For athletes especially, the pressure to perform often brings anxiety over things beyond their influence. From a referee’s call to unpredictable conditions, these outside factors can disrupt focus and energy.
This is where the wisdom of Stoic philosophers comes in. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca lived in ancient times marked by plagues, wars, political assassinations, the brutality of slavery, and the frequent death of mothers and children in childbirth. Epictetus himself was born into slavery, experiencing firsthand the harshest forms of external control and suffering. Yet, amid such intense adversity and unpredictability, these philosophers thrived by focusing on one powerful principle: control over one’s own mind. Their lives were reminders that, while external chaos and suffering are inevitable, inner peace and strength come from mastering what lies within our control.
The Stoics teach that, while we can’t control external events, we can always control our thoughts, behaviors, decisions, and responses. For athletes and anyone aiming to excel under pressure, this mindset is invaluable.
In this article, I’ll explore how applying this ancient Stoic approach helps answer the question, “What does it mean to focus on what you control?” As you come to understand and embrace the answer, you’ll find that mastering what lies within your control sharpens your focus, builds resilience, and ultimately improves your performance.
The Foundation of Control
The Stoics believed that true freedom comes from focusing only on what lies within our influence. Epictetus wrote, “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them” (Discourses). This advice highlights a profound truth: no matter how unpredictable our surroundings, our thoughts, behaviors, decisions, and responses remain in our power.
Thoughts:
Our thoughts shape our reality. Marcus Aurelius reminds us in Meditations, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” For athletes, negative or defeatist thoughts can quickly spiral into poor performance. Learning to control your thoughts, particularly through self-talk, helps set a steady mental baseline. Practicing positive self-talk builds resilience. Like any skill, athletes can train this by identifying negative thoughts, challenging them, and replacing them with constructive, affirming messages.
Behavior:
Behavior stems from intention. Seneca advised, “Associate with people who are likely to improve you” (Letters). We influence our behaviors by choosing the right influences, forming good habits, and cultivating discipline. This doesn’t mean our behavior is perfect—just that we’re aiming to align our actions with our values and goals.
Decisions:
Decisions shape our path forward. Choosing to put in the extra work, to stay calm under pressure, or to prepare fully for an event are decisions we control, regardless of external outcomes. Each decision reflects our commitment to growth and improvement. Every small decision matters, and focusing on these can build your confidence and consistency over time. As Marcus Aurelius advised, “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one” (Meditations). In each decision, you take deliberate steps toward becoming the person you aspire to be, aligning your actions with growth and purpose.
Responses:
Responses, particularly under stress, reveal the strength of our training. In challenging situations, ask yourself, “What’s in my control here?” Then, choose a response that aligns with your values and goals. The Stoics practiced this approach using detachment: 1) accept the factors outside of your control objectively 2) respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. As Epictetus taught, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters” (Enchiridion). This mindset empowers you to stay calm and intentional, responding in a way that aligns with your purpose even in difficult moments.
Mastering Self-Talk to Control Your Thoughts
Self-talk is the inner dialogue that runs through our minds and often shapes our view of the world. By controlling this dialogue, athletes can develop a powerful tool for managing pressure, staying focused, and building confidence.
- Recognize negative patterns: First, become aware of negative or self-limiting thoughts. Seneca observed, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality” (Letters). In self-talk, reactions can be managed through awareness. By identifying unhelpful thoughts, you take the first step in reframing them, reducing the influence of imagined fears and doubts, and redirecting your focus to constructive thinking.
- Replace negativity with constructive thoughts: This isn’t about blind optimism but a genuine effort to challenge and replace defeatist thoughts with statements focused on effort and improvement. Consider using affirmations or setting specific goals for self-talk, turning it into a training routine for your mind.
- Practice consistently: Just like physical training, improving self-talk requires practice. Try dedicating a few minutes each day to mindfulness exercises that enhance your awareness of self-talk. Over time, this consistent practice turns positive self-talk into a default response, even under stress.
Behaviors and Decisions – The Actions You Control
The Stoics often emphasized that controlling behavior and decisions is within reach and vital for growth. These two aspects of control go hand in hand: behaviors reinforce decisions, and decisions shape behavior.
Behavior is a reflection of discipline. In athletics, disciplined behavior—like consistently following a deliberate practice training program or committing to pre-game routines—reinforces confidence. Epictetus emphasized the importance of this alignment, saying, “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do” (Discourses). When intentions and actions align, behavior becomes the backbone of mental strength; it’s what you rely on when things get tough.
Decisions, on the other hand, are powerful because they set the direction for growth. Every decision you make—to put in extra practice, to learn from mistakes, or to seek advice from mentors—is a step toward improvement. As Seneca noted in Letters, “It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.” Every time you dare to make a decision aligned with growth, you build the courage to face harder challenges.
Choosing How to Respond
Responses are about control when facing adversity. Athletes are constantly tested in their ability to stay focused and resilient, especially when life isn’t going their way. Epictetus reminds us, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them” (Enchiridion). By focusing on our interpretations and choosing responses aligned with our values, we can maintain control, even under challenging circumstances.
Using detachment to respond effectively: When you detach from outcomes and focus on effort, you eliminate wasted energy on the uncontrollable. Imagine a competition where the weather, referee calls, or unexpected obstacles interfere with your performance. Recognizing that these elements are out of your control lets you respond with focus and resilience rather than frustration.
By consistently practicing detachment, you transform setbacks into steppingstones, strengthening your mental endurance for the long run.
Understanding What You Don’t Control
While understanding what you control is powerful, it’s just as important to accept what you don’t control. Marcus Aurelius captured this distinction well when he wrote, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength” (Meditations). This concept is foundational to Stoicism: no matter how well we prepare or perform, certain outcomes will always lie beyond our influence. Recognizing this and letting go of these elements is liberating.
What falls outside your control: Consider the unpredictable elements that can impact any athlete’s game: weather conditions, referee calls, the opponent’s skill level, and even unexpected physical setbacks like an injury. These factors, though they may affect the game, do not define your worth or capability. Once you understand this, you can redirect all your energy to what truly matters—your thoughts, behaviors, decisions, and responses.
Why these uncontrollables ultimately don’t matter: By mastering the internal—your mindset, discipline, actions, and reactions—you place yourself in a position of true strength. When you focus on preparation, resilience, and effort, external factors become obstacles you can navigate rather than barriers that stop you. Marcus Aurelius expressed it best: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way” (Meditations). This quote underscores a critical truth: when you control the internal, the external becomes secondary, even irrelevant in the larger pursuit of growth and excellence.
The impact of internal mastery: Mastering what you control allows you to handle setbacks with grace, stay focused on your goals, and find satisfaction in your journey. This doesn’t mean that setbacks or losses don’t happen; it means they don’t hold power over you. By focusing your energy on the controllable aspects, you make the uncontrollable lose its influence over your mindset and performance.
Conclusion
Focusing on what you can control isn’t just about self-improvement; it’s about personal mastery. It’s a mindset that enhances performance, builds resilience, and improves satisfaction. Whether you’re an athlete, coach, or leader, embracing this focus empowers you to thrive in any arena.
By grounding yourself in thoughts, behaviors, decisions, and responses that are within your control, you gain true freedom—just as the Stoics taught. As a result, the things you don’t control, though ever-present, become minor details in your journey, while your internal mastery drives you to reach your full potential.