Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

This week, I am facing a situation many of you may find familiar. My son failed to reach his goal to place in an important tournament he spent months completely focused on winning. Watching him grapple with disappointment is heart-wrenching. In moments like these, it’s easy to feel helpless and unsure of how to provide the support your child needs.

As I walk this path, I want to share the steps I believe will be most effective in helping my child bounce back. My hope is that these insights will offer guidance and solace to other parents who find themselves in similar circumstances. Let’s navigate this journey together and help our children emerge stronger and more resilient.

1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings

• Listen and Empathize: Let your child express their emotions without interruption. Validate their feelings by acknowledging their disappointment and frustration. This helps them feel understood and supported.
• Example Dialogue:
  • Child: “I can’t believe I lost. I tried so hard, but it wasn’t enough.”
  • Parent: Listening quietly, nodding “I hear you. It sounds like you’re really frustrated and disappointed. It must be hard after all the effort you put in.”
  • Child: “What’s the point of trying anymore if I keep losing?”
  • Parent: “I understand. It feels so discouraging to work hard and not see the results you hoped for. Do you want to talk more about what you’re feeling? Sometimes sharing more can help.”

2. Focus on the Positives and Provide Constructive Feedback

• Highlight Effort and Progress: Emphasize the effort and improvements your child has made, rather than the outcome of the competition. This shifts their focus from failure to growth.
• Specific and Positive Feedback: When discussing their performance, focus on specific areas they did well and provide constructive feedback on areas for improvement. Avoid general criticism and frame feedback in a positive light.
• Example Dialogue:
  • Parent: “You were really quick on your feet today, and your defense was stronger than ever. Let’s look at how we can work on your offensive strategies for the next game.”
  • Child: “But I still lost. None of that seems to matter.”
  • Parent: “It does matter. Improvement is a step-by-step process. Every time you get better at something, you’re building towards future success. Let’s focus on what we can do next to keep moving forward.”

3. Find a Mentor and Create a Supportive Environment

• Mentorship: Help your child find a mentor, such as a coach or an experienced athlete, who can guide them, set goals, and provide additional support.
• Positive Reinforcement: Surround your child with supportive friends, teammates, and coaches who encourage and believe in their potential. This positive environment helps them stay motivated and resilient.
• Example Dialogue:
  • Parent: “Coach Joe mentioned he’s willing to help you work on your technique twice a week before school. I think having his guidance could really help you improve.”
  • Child: “I don’t know if it’ll make a difference.”
  • Parent: “It’s worth giving it a try. Coach Joe has a lot of experience and believes in your potential. Plus, having someone to guide you can make a big difference in how you approach your training.”

4. Show the Benefits of having a Growth Mindset

• Learn from Setbacks: Reinforce the idea that setbacks are opportunities to learn and grow. Share examples of famous athletes who have overcome failures to achieve success, highlighting the importance of perseverance and resilience. Watching documentaries about these athletes can be a great way to inspire your child and show them real-life examples of overcoming adversity.
• Example Dialogue:
  • Parent: “Let’s watch a documentary together about a famous athlete who faced many challenges but kept pushing forward. It can be really inspiring to see how they dealt with setbacks and still succeeded.”
  • Child: “Do you think that will help me?”
  • Parent: “Absolutely. Seeing how others have overcome similar challenges can give you new ideas and motivation. It’s about learning that setbacks are a part of the journey and can make you stronger.”

In these moments of disappointment and struggle, remember that there are still things you can control. As parents, we have the profound ability to shape how our children perceive and respond to challenges. By acknowledging their feelings, focusing on their progress, finding supportive mentors, and encouraging a growth mindset, we can help them turn setbacks into comebacks toward resilience and success.

Every loss carries the seed of a future victory, and with your support, your child will learn to see their potential and push beyond their current limits. Together, let’s guide our children to rise stronger, knowing that their journey is filled with opportunities to grow and shine. Your support and belief in their abilities can be the light they need to navigate through these tough times and emerge even stronger.