Why Some Parents Can Do the Wrong Things and Still Get the Right Results
Parenting is important, but it’s easy to argue that a child’s environment is even more important. Good parenting in a bad environment is precarious at best. Indeed, society is full of stories in which a child’s teachers, friends, coaches, and community completely negates a well-intentioned parent.
On the other hand, when a child is lucky enough to grow up in a supportive and positive environment, there is almost nothing parents can do to screw this up. What’s more, when a child is lucky enough to grow up in an environment congruent with their natural gifts, passions, motivations, and strengths, that child will thrive.
It’s in this rare case when a child is in the perfect environment that a parent can do all the wrong things and still get the right results. That’s why it’s best never to copy what another parent does off the assumption their child is thriving because of it. For example, just because a parent gives a child money for good grades and that child is a straight A student, doesn’t mean it’s the money causing the child to get straight As.
Research shows that motivating a child with money for good grades only works temporarily at best and may cause a decrease in learning in the long term. In other words, it’s a bad parenting technique. However, in the case of the parent who does it successfully over the long term, it’s more likely the environment is what’s helping that child succeed not the money. So, if that environment is not as supportive for your child doing the same thing will hurt your child instead of help.