The Art and Science of Parenting
If there is one thing I’ve learned since I became a parent nearly 2 decades ago, it’s that parenting is far more of an art than a science. Yes, there is plenty of scientific research that shows that particular parenting techniques are better than others. However, because every child is unique, the practical application of any parenting technique requires instincts that science can’t provide a playbook for.
One of the best examples of this comes from how parents motivate their children to take on challenges. The science says parents shouldn’t use carrots and sticks to push children to be Olympians, doctors, engineers or into any other prestigious endeavor. However, some parents use bribes, punishments, fear, and other carrot and stick tactics successfully and others fail completely using these tactics.
On the other hand, some parents don’t motivate their child at all, and just as above there is no guarantee in the outcome. Some children who get no external motivation from their parents have the self-motivation to challenge themselves and some don’t.
The Art of Parenting
This is why the art of parenting trumps the science of parenting. Specifically, the art of being a detective are among the most important skills a parent must have. As a detective, parents must do many of the things of a traditional professional detective. Investigate, interview, examine, observe, record, and follow-up among other things. Not to catch children doing wrong, but to discover a child’s strengths as well as what innately motivates them.
Indeed, as a detective a parent may discover that one child needs carrots or sticks to energize them and another child loses motivation with carrots or sticks. Some parents get lucky, and their parenting instincts just so happen to match their child’s personality. However, as the saying goes, luck is not a strategy.
This is the art of parenting. Discovering what makes a child tick and finding ways to help them do more of that. This means prioritizing a child’s gifts, passions, motivations, and interest above those of the parent. When a parent masters this art, the best possible outcome for a child’s life becomes the most likely outcome.