Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

There is this idea that tough times create tough people. While intuitively this makes since, the reality is that this is far from the truth. To explain why, let’s start with a metaphor of a storm as an example of tough times.

Would you build shelter from a storm in the middle of a storm? You could try if you had no other choice. But wouldn’t it be wiser to harden your home to protect it from a hurricane if you live near the coast of the Gulf of Mexico before the next hurricane hit?

Indeed it would, and this is the point. It’s not that tough times create tough people, it’s learning from tough times that creates tough people. Moreover, you can learn from someone else’s tough times. To use another metaphor, you don’t have to get in a car accident before you start wearing a seatbelt.

Being tough is a mindset. It’s the mindset of resilience, and resilience is a proactive muscle to build before you face a storm, not during.  Yes, it’s true that a storm can help you test your resilience which in turn helps you with self-awareness, an important component of resilience. However, history proves that it’s not wise to wait until a storm hits to work on building resilience. It’s possible it will be too late.

Create Tough People by Using The 5 Recommendations for Building Resilience

So, what should you do now to prepare for an unknown storm that hasn’t come yet?  Research shows that 90% of individuals will experience some sort of trauma in their lifetime. That’s practically everyone. So, you must prepare for some type of storm at one point or another. With that said, The American Psychological Association provides a great list with 5 recommendations for building resilience I suggest you follow.

1. Build connections “with empathetic and understanding people” who you can be sure won’t abandon you “alone in the midst of difficulties “. Do this by developing both one-on-one relationships and group / team relationships.
2. Foster an environment for wellness. This means “promoting positive lifestyle factors like proper nutrition, ample sleep, hydration, and regular exercise… “
3. Find and discover purpose in life. This includes participating in more formal activities like volunteering and less formal activities like supporting friends and family in times of need. In addition, develop realistic life goals and take regular small steps towards achieving those goals.
4. Embrace healthy thoughts. “Identify areas of irrational thinking, such as a tendency to catastrophize difficulties or assume the world is out to get you, and adopt a more balanced and realistic thinking pattern.” This also includes things like embracing change, viewing the world with optimism, learning from past setbacks and difficulties, and orienting yourself to have the four foundational mindsets.
5. Accept that it’s okay and healthy to ask for help. Even professional help from a licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist.