Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
Focusing on what you control and minimizing the impact of those things you don’t control is one of the most important keys to success. Self-talk is the first thing you control, and arguably the most important.
As stated in the textbook Applied Sport Psychology:
You engage in self-talk any time you carry on an internal dialogue with yourself, such as giving yourself instructions and reinforcement or interpreting what you are feeling or perceiving (Hackfort & Schwenkmezger, 1993). This dialogue can occur out loud (e.g., mumbling to yourself) or inside your head.
In the bigger scheme of things, it may appear that this idea of talking to oneself is quite minor. Considering all the other factors one must control to succeed in life, self-talk may appear to be the least of your worries. However, this could not be farther from the truth.
Negative self-talk decreases performance. As research suggests, our brains can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Therefore, when your self-talk is negative, your mind will only focus on negativity. Moreover, when your mind is focused on negativity it’s not focused on success.
This is why negative self-talk decreases performance. The more you do it, the more your brain becomes wired for pessimistic thinking. Moreover, those who have a pessimistic mindset are far more likely to have negative outcomes.
According to a series of studies from across the U.S. and Europe:
- Pessimists have higher blood pressure, which leads to anxiety and higher cases of cardiovascular disease.
- In times of need, pessimists have less social support
- Pessimists get more viral infections (i.e., pessimism impacts your immune system)
- When it comes to overcoming adversity, pessimists are significantly more likely to get bad long-term outcomes.
Quieting The Inner Pessimist
Overcoming negative self-talk is not an all or nothing pursuit. In other words, perfection is not the goal. Especially if you have a habit of negative self-talk that has gone on for years. To expect to eliminate all negative thoughts will just leave you frustrated.
Instead, the best way to win the battle over your inner pessimist is to quiet the negative dialogue while amplifying the voice of optimism. There are several strategies for doing this that I have written about extensively in my self-talk section. However, today I want to share three strategies that I came across that psychologist Ethan Kross, Ph.D. suggest.
In the recent article A Psychologist’s 3 Tools To Quiet The Negative Voice Inside Your Head, Kross shares some real gems that I immediately recognized as interventions I have used effectively in the past, but not put a name on previously. I really like the simplicity of how he sums up his methods, and highly recommend you read the article to get his perspective. Below is my summary.
Three Methods to Conquer Negative Self-Talk
The first method is one in which you talk to yourself in the third person calling yourself by name. Kross calls this “distant self-talk”. The goal here is to coach yourself in real-time in the moment you recognize your inner dialogue is negative. We all tend to be harder on ourselves than others. So, if you can think of yourself as someone else you care about, you are likely to be less negative and more likely to focus on solutions.
The second method is similar to the first in terms of reframing how you view yourself. Instead of seeing yourself in the third person, you see your future self. I love this concept of using your future self as a tool of helping you in the present. I have a few articles about this concept you can find here. Kross calls this “temporal distancing”. The goal here is to imagine yourself in the future, and then think about how you will view your current problems looking back on it. This helps you put things in perspective and give yourself coaching using how your future self will benefit as your motivation.
The final method is probably the one I use most with clients. Kross calls it “rituals”, I call it routines. I am a huge proponent of using routines. I write about how to use the power of routines several times a month. You can view some of my suggestions here. Kross suggests having a routine ready to go anytime you recognize negative self-talk in your inner dialogue. His key for this is to make sure the routine requires your full attention so you can quiet the negativity by distracting yourself away from it. Moreover, routines are something you have complete control over and can use to amplify the voice of optimism when you need it most.