Confidence is a Habit and Lacking Confidence is Also a Habit
For those who lack confidence, it’s critical to understand why confidence is a habit. The reason why is that when one accepts that confidence is a habit, they also accept that lacking confidence is also a habit. Moreover, it’s more difficult to break habits than it is to start habits. Therefore, the best way to break a habit is to start a new one that replaces it. So, it follows that the means to break the bad habit of lacking confidence is to start a new habit of having confidence.
While this may appear circular at first, let me break it down further to explain. In essence, confidence is the habit of positive self-talk. On the other hand, lacking confidence is the habit of negative self-talk. Self-talk is one’s internal dialogue.
As stated in the textbook Applied Sport Psychology:
You engage in self-talk any time you carry on an internal dialogue with yourself, such as giving yourself instructions and reinforcement or interpreting what you are feeling or perceiving (Hackfort & Schwenkmezger, 1993). This dialogue can occur out loud (e.g., mumbling to yourself) or inside your head.
As research suggests, our brains can only concentrate on one thing at a time. So, when you have positive self-talk, you are focusing your brain on positive outcomes and not the negative ones. When you have negative self-talk, you are focusing your brain on negative outcomes and not the positive ones.
Consequently, those who create a habit of using positive self-talk have confidence and those who create a habit of using negative self-talk lack confidence. This is ultimately why confidence is a habit.
Moving from the Habit of Lacking Confidence to Confidence Requires Self-Awareness
As I already explained, old habits die hard and new habits form fast. Therefore, the best way to break old habits is to replace them with new habits. This requires starting with self-awareness. To break the habit of lacking confidence you must start by not reinforcing negative self-talk by being self-aware of your self-talk.
This requires that you become more self-aware of your thoughts and make sure you are not telling yourself things like:
“I’m just not a lucky person.”
“I suck at this.“
“Don’t go out there and choke this time.“
“I can’t do anything right.“
“This is just the way I am.“
“This always happens to me.”
As soon as one of these thoughts starts to form, take control of your mind. Many mental skills coaches label this technique “thought stopping”. Thought stopping is a three-step process.
- Start listening to the thoughts flowing in and out of your mind. Specifically in stressful moments and high-pressure situations.
- As soon as you recognize that you are having a negative thought or even when someone says something negative to you, cut the negativity off by saying “STOP!”
- Then, clear your mind by taking a very quick deep breath and feel the void with a neutral line of thinking.
Some thoughts to feel the void with include statements like the following:
“I got this.”
“I’m stronger than I think.“
“This pressure is a privilege. I’m thankful for this opportunity to challenge myself.“
“I’m going to focus only on the process.”
“This isn’t harder than practice. My practice has prepared me.”
“This is my chance to get better.“
“One step at a time.”
“I’m ok.”
“Stick with it and I will find a way to make the situation better.“
That’s it. However, as a mental skills coach I’m not going to tell you this is easy. Thought stopping takes a tremendous amount of practice, just like anything else you want to master. My suggestion is to create a habit-forming daily routine. You should do this every single day, multiple times a day. For example,
- First thing in the morning when your alarm goes off.
- When you brush your teeth.
- Each time look at yourself in the mirror.
- Each day as you drink your morning coffee, tea, or water.
- Before you go to bed.
If you learn to use these everyday moments to practice your self-talk every day, overtime you will learn to control your thoughts and not let your thoughts control you. It’s through this process of controlling your thoughts that you then form the habit of having confidence.