The Mindset Misalignment That Makes Athletes Want to Quit After Losing
Losing is extremely motivating for some athletes. The moment after they lose these athletes are already making plans to work harder and work smarter to do whatever it takes to never lose that way again. On the other hand, some athletes sulk after losing. These athletes allow losses to stagnate them for several days, if not weeks, and make no progress towards learning from losing.
The first athlete has the right mindset, the second athlete has a mindset misalignment. A mindset misalignment is the result of being incongruent with the 5 elements that define your mindset. As a result, your thoughts, perceptions, emotions, and values drive unwanted behavior.
In the case of the stagnated athlete who sulks there is a mindset misalignment with their values. Being a winner is one of their primary core values. However, their thoughts perceptions and emotions when they don’t win causes them to exhibit behaviors that will prevent winning. If this mindset misalignment continues for too long, the athlete will quit instead of risking loss in the future.
Athletes Who Hate to Lose More than They Love to Win
This is a classic case of valuing being a winner more than valuing being a competitor. When an athlete defines themself as a winner, easy wins are just as rewarding as tough wins. Moreover, these athletes would rather not compete than risk losing against a worthy competitor. Conversely, when a athlete defines themself as a competitor, easy wins are worthless, if not insulting.
Competitors would rather lose against a worthy opponent than get an easy win over someone not on their level. Competitors understand that losing against someone better is the only way they will eventually learn to beat them. It’s this process of learning to beat someone better that makes them better.
Of course, competitors hate to lose just as much as winners. However, competitors love winning more than they hate losing while winners hate losing more than they love winning. This is not a contradiction for winners. Instead, it’s a mindset misalignment.
The reason why winners hate losing more than they love winning is a misalignment of how they perceive the relationship between winning and losing. Remember, using the framework of the 5 elements that define your mindset, thoughts drive perceptions which drive emotions. Negative thoughts around losing creates the perception that losing in the short-term can’t help you win in the long-term. Correspondingly, when winners lose, they only see the bad in it (i.e. the glass is half empty). When competitors lose, the glass is half full.
3 Steps to Fix a Mindset Misalignment
To get an athlete to recognize this misaligned pattern in their mindset is sometimes difficult. Often it takes a respected peer or role model to provide candid feedback. Even then it still may take an “aha” moment or life altering event to get the athlete to acknowledge this. For example, they may need to get cut from their team or miss out on a major opportunity as a wakeup call. However, once the athlete does acknowledge the existence of a mindset misalignment, they can follow these 3 steps to begin the process of changing it.
- Start with the minimum viable change (MVC). A MVC is something that only slightly pushes you out of your comfort zone. Something like waking up 10 or 15 minutes earlier than normal. Whatever it is, make sure it’s measurable, easy to start right away, and the difficulty can be incrementally increased.
- Get someone to agree to be your accountability partner. Let them in on the details of your mindset misalignment. Explain your MVC and how that MVC is measured. Then empower them with the access into your life to hold you accountable for keeping the promises you make.
- Develop and then execute a plan for the progression of your MVC. For example, if you start by waking up 10 minutes early, increase this to 20 minutes after 30 days, then 30 minutes after 60 days. In addition, develop other MVCs to layer on top once you get the wheel of your first MVC spinning effortlessly. Plan this process out with your accountability partner, and then let your partner hold you accountable to this plan.