The Lesson to Teach Children about Fame and Other Material Things
There is a simple lesson parents much teach children about money, titles, fame, beauty, test scores, grades, rankings, and other material things. Wanting these things is not bad, but balance must be a priority above all.
Of course, every parent wants their kids to get good grades, a high SAT score and go to a great college that leads to making a lot of money. This is normal. However, putting too much value on these extrinsic achievements over things that are more intrinsic can lead to a range of serious issues in children. In fact, a study from Arizona State suggest that parents pushing children to value extrinsic achievements too much leads to a range of serious issues such as depression, anxiety, disruptive behavior, low self-esteem, and learning problems.
As stated by one of the study’s authors Lucia Ciciolla in an article covering the research in PsychCentral:
…our data did not show that encouraging achievement in itself is bad. It becomes destructive when it comes across as critical, and when it overshadows, or does not co-exist with, a simultaneous value on more intrinsic goals that are oriented toward personal growth, interpersonal connections, and community well-being.
There are many other researchers who also warn against overvaluing extrinsic achievements. For example, psychology professor Dr. Edward Deci, one of the world’s leading researchers on goals and motivation, states the following in his classic book Why We Do What We Do:
The researchers found that if any of the three extrinsic aspirations–for money, fame, or beauty–was very high for an individual relative to the three intrinsic aspirations, the individual was also more likely to display poorer mental health. For example, having an unusually strong aspiration for material success was associated with narcissism, anxiety, depression, and poorer social functioning as rated by a trained clinical psychologist…
…Part of the difficulty posed by extrinsic aspirations such as wealth and fame is that people fear they will never be able to achieve them, and some psychologists have suggested that these negative expectancies are what cause ill-being.
Deci goes on to also state that goals for money, fame, and beauty focuses one emotional satisfaction on having rather than being. Since having is only satisfying at the moment of acquisition, the emotion is fleeting and temporary. Furthermore, only being able to attain a temporary feeling of satisfaction causes extrinsic goals to be insatiable. You can never really have enough money, fame or beauty because there is always more to have.
In short, this is why parents who overvalue extrinsic achievements foster unhealthy behaviors in their children.