Coaching vs. Criticism as a Word of Caution for Parents
Coaches and critics are very similar in some ways and completely different in others. Both coaches and critics provide feedback. They also both tend to focus on negative feedback more than positive feedback. Finally, both coaches and critics provide feedback with the intent to be helpful, even if it turns out that it’s not. This is where the similarities end.
Now, let’s look at the differences. The most glaring difference is that critics are always on the outside looking in, while coaches are on the inside. Subsequently, coaches can not only see the problems they can also see the solutions. On the other hand, critics can’t see solutions because they are outsiders. Moreover, the only way an outsider can make themselves feel like they are helpful is to point out problems.
The fact is, pointing out problems without a realistic plan for a solution is not helpful. However, critics think they are being helpful when they do this. Unfortunately, critics just don’t have enough self-awareness to realize that when an outsider is providing criticism it’s never helpful to the person on the receiving end.
When a coach points out a problem, they point it out because they have experience with that problem. Therefore, a coach’s feedback on a problem is always put in the context of a solution to correct the problem and help implementing that solution. Only an insider with experience can do this.
With this in mind, here is a word of caution to parents who are critical of their children. Although your feedback may be 100% valid, it’s 0% helpful. If you truly want to be helpful, the best thing you can do is hire a coach who has the knowledge you need to solve the problems you see.
This coach could come in the form of a teacher, tutor, personal trainer, mindset coach, or mentor. The title of the person doesn’t matter. What matters is that they are insiders who are willing and able to turn problems into solutions.