Raise a Child Who is a Competitor, Not a Winner
There is a major difference between raising a child who has the mindset of a winner vs. raising a child who has the mindset of a competitor. The mindset of a winner is one that thinks they must always win, and the competition doesn’t matter.
For example, a parent who is raising a winner can always find a way for their child to win. All a parent must do is let their 15-year-old only compete against 12-year-olds. While this is extreme, it’s not farfetched.
On the other hand, the mindset of a competitor is one who wants to find out where they stand against the toughest competition. Moreover, with a competitor’s mindset, winning matters, but who you win against matters more. In this case, parents may put their child in situations where they lose nearly half the time.
Obviously, no parent wants to raise a child who is a loser. However, if a child doesn’t improve consistently at an age-appropriate pace, there will eventually be a time when winning is impossible. Whether it’s sports, academics, or some other activity. The mindset of winning being the only goal will impact a child when their ability to win ends.
When The ability to Win Ends
With this in mind, raising a child who is a winner is temporary at best. Unless a parent is uber rich and powerful, they can’t game the real world like a science fair. Adult life for their children will be a letdown.
Research suggests that children who only win grow up to experience significant worry, rumination, anger, pessimism, and dejection. These behaviors ultimately cause adults to give up on their dreams, pursue extreme measures of cheating, or face some level of depression.
Subsequently, it’s far better to focus on raising a child who is a competitor rather than a winner. The mark of a competitor is knowing that winning isn’t everything but giving one’s best effort is. Moreover, a true competitor wants to compete against the best of the best, even if this means they may lose.
As a final point, remember the root word in competence is compete. So, if you want to raise a child who wins because of their ability to compete instead of their ability to avoid losing, focus on your child’s competence.
Competence is both a process and an outcome. Competence is knowing what to do, knowing how to do it, and then doing it efficiently. If you use this as your focus for parenting instead of focusing on just winning, you are far more likely to get the outcome you ultimately desire.