Counterpoint: Don’t Raise Your Child to Be a Winner
This may be parenting blasphemy for some. For me to say don’t raise your child to be a winner sounds like I’m just stirring the pot for clickbait. However, I really do want to make a legit point here that is an important nuance for parents to understand. Obviously, no parent wants to raise a child who is a loser.
But here’s the thing. A parent can always find a way for a child to win if winning is the only goal. For example, a 15-year-old can win at almost anything if they only compete against 13-year-olds. Yes, winning is the outcome but what good is winning if it doesn’t make your child any better?
No matter what, if your child doesn’t improve there will eventually be a time when winning is impossible. Whether it’s sports, academics, or some other activity. The mindset of winning being the only goal will impact your child when the ability to game the system ends.
Research suggests that the “failure is not an option” mindset causes children to grow up to experience significant worry, rumination, anger, pessimism, and dejection. These behaviors ultimately cause adults to give up on their dreams, pursue extreme measures of cheating, or face some level of depression.
Don’t Raise a Winner – Raise a Competitor
Subsequently, it’s far better to focus on raising a child who is a competitor rather than a winner. The mark of a competitor boils down to three mindset traits:
- Getting the most satisfaction when competing under maximum pressure.
- Wanting to compete against the best of the best, even though they may lose.
- Knowing that winning isn’t everything, but giving their best effort is.
With this in mind, I will conclude by noting that the root word in competence is compete. So, if you want to raise a child who wins because of their ability to compete instead of their ability to avoid losing, focus on your child’s competence.
Competence is both a process and an outcome. Competence is knowing what to do, knowing how to do it, and then doing it efficiently. If you use this as your focus for parenting instead of focusing on just winning, you are far more likely to get the outcome you ultimately desire.