When Your Child Let’s You Down by Not Using Their Talents
As a parent, if you feel that your child is letting you down by not using their talents then you may be putting too much pressure on them. You may not feel like you’re putting pressure on them, but you’re doing something.
It may be that you openly speak about how much you sacrifice to send them to private school. Or it could be how you constantly talk about the cost to participate in travel sports. Maybe it’s the fact that you share with them your regrets and failures and how you want better for them.
It could be any subtle or not so subtle hint that makes a child feel pressure. Either way, the reality is that pressure is likely the cause for a talented person to not want to use their talent to pursue greatness. This is not only very hard for parents to accept, but it’s also very sad for everyone in a kid’s life to see their talent go to waste.
What Can Parents Do?
So, what can parents do when they clearly have a talented child who doesn’t want to use their talent?
First, parents must take a step back and remove their emotions from the situation. When a child knows you want something for them more than they want it for themselves they tend to be more stubborn. Come to terms with the fact that it’s okay if your child chooses not to use their talent. Subsequently, this first step will allow the use of a bit of informal “reverse” psychology which I like to call “choice” psychology.
From here, I would get an outside mentor or mindset coach such as myself involved. My process leans on using the Strengths Based Parenting approach. This approach puts the child’s personality, motivations, and strengths ahead of the goals. To put it differently, the process becomes the goal, and the goal of getting the child to use their talent becomes the compass. In my experience, talented kids who don’t want to use their talent are in this predicament because too much focus is put on fixing their weaknesses instead of strengthening their strengths. When you can change the focus to using a child’s unique personality, motivations and strengths as the backbone of their process, magic happens.
I won’t claim this magic happens overnight, but the process of a young person developing self-awareness of what makes them tick nearly always jump starts their motivation. If you are raising a child who is not using their talent to the best of their ability, I suggest you give these ideas a try. Now is as good a time as any to find out how you can give them a jump start. Contact me here to find out how I can help you with this.