Should A Parent Let Their Kid Hit Rock Bottom to Learn a Lesson?
Parents can talk, teach, and show until they’re blue in the face. Some children still won’t learn. No matter how hard a parent may try, some kids still won’t get out of bed, study, or do chores. This is a fact. Some kids will get it, and some won’t.
This is a hard truth, but it’s reality. How fast a child learns is something a parent just can’t control. Once a parent accepts this, then they will also accept that this is okay. The goal of parenting is to raise a self-motivated child not to have a self-motivated child. It takes some people years and possibly a lifetime to learn how to self-motivate themselves.
As parents we have 18 to 21 years to do what we can with the things that are within our control. The fact is some of our children will have to hit rock bottom before they become self-motivated. As long as a parent instills the values that lead to self-motivation over those 18 to 21 years, then eventually that child will figure it out.
Obviously, the hope is that it won’t take rock bottom to get the child there. However, if rock bottom does become that final lesson, all a parent can do is be there to support their adult child’s continued growth.
The only alternative is to continue to take care of your child and be their provider / safety net for the rest of your life. While this is a valid option many parents choose, I would argue that stunting a child’s growth by constantly saving them from falling is far more detrimental in the long run than letting the child hit rock bottom.
As author J.K. Rowling is so famous for saying after she bounced back from her own rock bottom experience:
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Indeed, a parent letting their child find that foundation may be the best thing they can do.