Self-Motivation for Things That Are Fun vs. Important in Youth Sports
Parents intuitively understand that when children do things that are fun (i.e., play video games), they put all their energy and effort into doing that activity to the best of their ability. Parents also understand that when children do things that aren’t fun, but must do because it’s important, they will typically do the bare minimum.
If you’re a sports parent who thinks like me, then the bare minimum is unacceptable. This is why so many parents turn to using rewards and punishments. The fact is, playing sports is fun. But sacrificing and grinding to be the best when friends are playing video games is challenging for most kids. So, instead of working through this challenge patiently, parents often take the shortcut of using rewards and punishments as it’s simply an easier path. Especially when a parent believes that self-motivation is only for things that are fun.
However, this is just not true! Kids can and do have the self-motivation to do things that aren’t fun, but important to them. A parent just must be patient enough to teach them.
A critical part of the maturing process for all children is learning that they must have self-motivation to do things that aren’t fun but are important. Everything from brushing and flossing teeth to taking out the garbage, to training on the weekend to be the best at their sport. Each one of these things requires teaching. But as my wife always says:
Telling is not teaching and listening is not learning.
Helping a Child Who Lacks Motivation to do Things that Aren’t Fun, but Important
Chances are that whatever lecture you give your child about self-motivation, discipline, and responsibility they have already heard before. There is no reason to give your child the same lecture week after week like a broken record.
Lecturing doesn’t build self-motivation or break bad habits. Boundaries and routines do.
So, if you want a kid to spend less time playing video games and more time working towards their goals, establish strict boundaries on gaming and phone time. When a child gets bored because they can’t do what they want, a gaping window opens to talk about goals, self-motivation, responsibility, and how they can replace that time with something productive.
Next, don’t enable your child’s bad habits. I always find it funny when a parent complains about their child’s video game and phone habits. Then when Christmas and birthday time comes around the parent buys the child a new video game and a new phone.
This is clearly sending mixed messages. Need I say more?
Finally, it always comes back to the examples that are set by a child’s first role model… their parents! If a parent does not show the self-motivation to work towards meaningful goals in their life, it’s hard to tell a kid that they should. We all know that kids don’t do what you say, they do what they see.
I don’t think anyone would argue when I say the best thing parents can do to teach children how to behave is to model those behaviors themselves. Parents must intentionally show their self-motivation to be the best version of themselves in front of their children. This alone gives parents the high ground they need when discussing self-motivation with a child.