Parents, Please Don’t Be Your Child’s Hero When Things Get Tough
As much as you want to be your child’s hero when things get tough, don’t. Yes, every parent wants to create a safe and happy environment for their children and support them when they’re struggling. However, overdoing it with hero syndrome is counterproductive.
If your child lives an easy life that doesn’t challenge their mental toughness, then they won’t be mentally tough. If you solve all your child’s problems for them, then they won’t be problem solvers. Furthermore, if your child is not responsible for the outcomes they experience, then they won’t be responsible.
Unquestionably, parents who do everything and anything to save their children from problems handicap their children. These parents don’t provide their children independence, and without independence there is no responsibility, and without responsibility a child can’t learn to be a problem solver and won’t develop mental toughness.
Not being your child’s hero when things get tough means giving children space to fail, make mistakes, forget, and face consequences without swooping in to save the day. It also means allowing your child to experience loss, ridicule, embarrassment, or even bullying. While it sounds extreme to allow a child to experience bullying without intervention, overcoming a bully is a life skill that’s hard to simulate. It’s a fundamental element of being responsible for yourself.
Simply stated, a child with an easy childhood will have a hard life as an adult. Your job as a parent is to reverse this.
- Hold your child accountable for age-appropriate chores that progressively get more difficult as they age.
- Constantly challenge your child to speak up for him or herself, solve problems, and do their own work. Encourage responsibility for outcomes, experiences, and results.
- Make sure your child faces consequences when appropriate. Remember that consequences are not the same as punishments.