Counterpoint: “Just Be Yourself” is Counterproductive Advice Unless…
Once upon a time I thought advice to “just be yourself” was solid advice. Now, I know that telling the average person to “just be yourself” is counterproductive to their personal growth. Think about it for a minute.
When you tell an average person to “just be yourself” you are telling them to just stay average. Why would it benefit the average person to just stay average?
Yes, staying average is better than dropping to below average, but let’s be real. If someone is seeking advice, it’s not because they are afraid of going from average to below average. The person being told to “just be yourself” is far more concerned with how to achieve above average results than they are with dropping to below average.
Moreover, by definition, most people are average. So, advice to “just be yourself” is counterproductive advice for you unless you’re in the small group of people who have reached their peak above average point. But if only a few people are at their peak above average point, why then is this advice so common in popular culture?
Firstly, there are too many average people giving advice to other average people. This in itself is counterproductive. Secondly, being told that who you are is not who you need to be is hurtful advice. So, unless you are paying for advice, don’t expect the average person to tell you what you really need to hear because most people don’t want to hurt your feelings.
Unquestionably, if being average or below average most of your life hasn’t gotten you what you want, then you don’t need to be that person anymore. So, instead of thinking about better ways to “just be yourself”, it’s better to think about how you can grow to be who you need to become to get what you want.
You Are Either Growing or Dying
Life is about growth. In fact, I believe you’re either growing or dying. I see this as just a fact of nature. Nothing remains stagnant without becoming unhealthy or eroded which leads to dying. So, if you can’t remain stagnant, growing or dying are the only other two options mother nature allows. This means if you do nothing, then you are passively accepting the path of dying. This also means growth requires intention.
When you’re young almost every new book you pick up you learn something new. In addition, everyone buys-in to the fact that the youth are the future. Therefore, mentors are everywhere and eager to share their wisdom to help you grow.
However, this is temporary. The more you grow the more difficult it becomes to keep growing. Just as 100+ year old bellwethers like General Electric struggle to keep their stock price on pace with 21st century bellwethers like Google. It’s hard to keep your personal growth stock moving up and to the right forever. General Electric can’t win with advice to “just be yourself” and neither can you.
If over time you aren’t constantly trying to grow, then the bleak alternative is a slow painful death. This means if you “just be yourself” you are accepting death.
So even though it gets more and more difficult over time, it’s still important to continue to set goals and have a vision for improving yourself as you pursue a purpose. In fact, research shows that the pursuit of purpose among older adults plays “an important role in maintaining physical function” and that pursuing purpose leads to better health.
With that said, if you’re starting to feel stagnant or worse, don’t wait to act. Now is the time to stop just being yourself and be the person you want to be. There is no better feeling than the energy you get from pursuing a vision for yourself. What’s more, I would love to help you. Please contact me here and I will share specifics on how we can work together to get you started with a concrete step by step plan.