Counterpoint: The Cost of Overparenting is More Expensive than Travel Sports
As an avid sports parent I know all too well how expensive travel teams and out of state camps can be. Those bills add up quickly. Not to mention the cost of private coaching and personal training among other “optional” expenses. It’s one game when your kid plays sports on the local rec team, it’s a whole different ball game when your kid aspires to play with the best of the best.
It’s a pay to play system and you must pay the cost to be the boss. However, this is a slippery slope. Parenting an aspiring elite athlete from youth sports through high school can easily turn into overparenting. Moreover, the cost of overparenting is sky high. Much higher than all the other previously mentioned expenses.
What is Overparenting?
Overparenting is a term that sums up all the things parents do that kill a child’s ability to be self-motivated. Things such as:
- Paying your child for good grades, winning, and other success metrics.
- Overscheduling your child with camps, personal training, and private coaching.
- Not allowing time for fun, play and creativity.
- Doing your child’s homework and/or projects for them.
- Completing admissions applications for them.
- Making friends for them.
- Solving routine problems for them.
- Not letting your child experience failure.
- Hovering over your child at practice and in other social context.
- Contradicting your child’s coaching.
- Intervening to advocate for your child’s playing time or position.
If you have ever done any of these things for or to your child, then you may be at risk of winning in the short term and losing in the long run. Yes, your high expectations coupled with your overparenting may drive your child to achieve those expectations. Yes, you may be able to even get what you want out of your child. But, looking like you are winning and winning are two different things.
The cost of overparenting is at best an unhappy child. At worst, the cost of overparenting is a teenager burdened by depression and an adult child dependent on you well into their 30s.
Overparenting has a negative return on investment and depreciates 100% in value. Bottom line, there is no way to justify this cost with whatever short term gains you can derive.