The Downside of Raising a Child Who is a ‘Winner’
Obviously, no parent wants to raise a child who is a loser. So, how could there be any downside to raising a child who is a winner?
Well, you can always find a way for a child to win if winning is the only goal, but sometimes winning doesn’t do a child any good. For example, a 15-year-old can win at almost anything if they only compete against 10-year-olds. Yes, winning is the outcome but what good is winning if it doesn’t make your child any better?
No matter what, if your child doesn’t improve there will eventually be a time when winning is impossible. Whether it’s sports, academics, or some other activity. The mindset of winning being the only goal will impact your child when their ability to win ends.
Research suggests that this causes children to grow up to experience significant worry, rumination, anger, pessimism, and dejection. These behaviors ultimately cause adults to give up on their dreams, pursue extreme measures of cheating, or face some level of depression.
Subsequently, it’s far better to focus on raising a child who is a competitor rather than a winner. The mark of a competitor is knowing that winning isn’t everything but giving one’s best effort is. Moreover, a true competitor wants to compete against the best of the best, even if this means they may lose.
With this in mind, I will conclude by noting that the root word in competence is compete. So, if you want to raise a child who wins because of their ability to compete instead of their ability to avoid losing, focus on your child’s competence.
Competence is both a process and an outcome. Competence is knowing what to do, knowing how to do it, and then doing it efficiently. If you use this as your focus for parenting instead of focusing on just winning, you are far more likely to get the outcome you ultimately desire.