When What Your Child Wants and What They Do Are Not Aligned
The happiest teens are those who align their wants, their behaviors, and their reality. This appears to be fairly obvious. However, this is easier said than done.
For example, there are plenty of people who say they want to be wealthy who don’t behave in ways that build wealth. While this example is rather cliché, this is the perfect example to illustrate the point since it’s so common.
If a parent is trying to predict their child’s future, finding out what they want is meaningless. Instead, you must find out what drives their behavior, and if that behavior matches what they want.
When a parent notices that their child is saying they want things they haven’t shown they are willing to behave their way into achieving, there are three steps I recommend assuming the child is mature enough to understand their dilema.
- Start by being empathetic with their dilema. When a kid is behaving in a way that doesn’t align with what they say they want, it’s likely they don’t even know why.
- Next, ask them very thoughtful questions about their wants vs. their behaviours to help them understand the misalignment. Make sure the questions create a step by step path to help them come to a conclusion that will help them realize their behavior needs to change.
- Finally, take some time to learn about the theories that drive behavior change and then teach your child how to apply what you learn.