How To Know if You Are Giving Your Children Wise Advice
Most parents will readily admit that when they give their children advice, they are more or less winging it. It’s no secret that parenting requires getting good at “shooting from the hip”, with the second child and beyond benefiting from the “practice” with the first. However, even with practice you still don’t know if your advice is good until after the fact.
While it’s true that because of this I can’t give any advice on giving good advice, I can give you some advice on how to give “wise” advice.
Wise advice may or may not be good, but chances are it won’t be bad. So if you can learn a few rules of thumb to at least give wise advice, it would be well worth it. Fortunately, I recently came across some wise advice on giving wise advice.
I found this information while reading the book Resilient: How to Grown an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness by author Rick Hanson, Ph.D. Hanson recommends the Buddhist tradition for wise communication standards, which is the perfect template for parents to use to provide wise advice to their children.
1. Well intended: is aimed at helping, not hurting; is not based on ill will
2. True: everything need not be said, but whatever is said is accurate and honest
3. Beneficial: is enjoyable or useful to others, oneself, or both
4. Timely: comes when it is appropriate
5. Not harsh: what is said may be firm, passionate, or heated, but the tone and words are not mean, belittling, or abusive
There’s a sixth standard to be followed if possible…
6. Wanted: be thoughtful about intruding upon others; nonetheless speak up as you judge best