Counterpoint: 100% Compliance is NOT What Parents Should Want
We can all agree that kids aren’t programmable robots. Therefore, parents should not treat them like they are by expecting 100% compliance of the discipline and structure they are trying to instill.
Of course discipline and structure are important. However, 100% compliance with that discipline and structure should not be the goal of the discipline and structure. The goal should be to provide guard rails and create space for two-way communication between parent and child.
It’s one thing for parents to tell their children what to do and force them to comply or face punishment. This is a recipe for raising kids who are resentful. It’s another thing for a parent to encourage two-way communication by listening and taking feedback from their children. This on the other hand is a recipe for raising kids who value their relationship with their parents.
Providing Opportunity for Children to Communicate and Act on Disagreements
Two-way communication provides children the opportunity to communicate and act on disagreements with their parents. When parents don’t treat their kids like robots by expecting 100% compliance, they allow them to make their own decisions in a variety of circumstances. Inevitably, this flexibility will lead to a child making several bad decisions along the way that will frustrate a parent who knows better. But this is a good thing as it provides opportunities for growth. With guidance and feedback in these situations, a child develops the ability to grow and mature into better decision makers before adulthood.
Parents who recognize that this is the end game will inevitably have better outcomes with their children. They know that developing a child’s ability to make good decisions in the long run is more important than getting 100% compliance in the short run.
Isn’t this what parenting is all about? Raising kids who make good decisions as adults…
If so, then parents must rely less on one-way communication from parent to child and embrace the idea of a child talking back as long as the talk back is respectful.