How Parents Can Support Self-Motivation When Their Child is Struggling
When a child is struggling with self-motivation, a parent’s first instinct is to step in and offer an external motivator to kick-start the child’s motivation. This is typically in the form of a reward or punishment for executing whatever must be done.
More often than not this is the wrong answer. Although this may feel like the right answer when it works in the short term, it’s only temporarily right. In the long term there is no progress in helping build self-motivation, which is ultimately the goal.
The problem with this is that most parents don’t have an alternative to using external rewards and punishments as motivation. So rather than do nothing, this is the default option. This is completely understandable. However, what if there was another viable option that doesn’t work as well in the short term but works better in the long term? I am here to tell you there is, but you must be willing to concede the short term struggle will continue if you want longer term success.
The Alternative to Motivating with External Rewards and Punishments
The alternative to motivating with external rewards and punishments is sharing the parental power of decision making with your child. This means using both the power of choice and process to motivate a child.
First, instead of telling a child exactly what they must do provide several options that they can choose from. Secondly, instead of telling a child exactly how to do something, involve them in the process of figuring out how. This combination of engaging a child in the what and how is the best way to support their development of self-motivation.
The only way to do this is through quality time talking, listening, and engaging that child. Which unquestionably requires an immense amount of patience. Something that many parents who prefer rewards and punishments lack. But patience is the cost for developing self-motivation when a child is struggling with it. Occasionally shortcuts work. Unfortunately in this instance, shortcutting patience to engage a child with the power of choice and process is a mistake.