Teaching Children to Balance Authenticity and Responsibility
There is often a push and pull between being authentic to yourself and being responsible for how this impacts others. On the one hand, being authentic to yourself is a value that leads to personal happiness more often than not. On the other hand, being responsible is what helps you contribute to your family, community, and society as a whole.
The push and pull tends to happen when these two come into conflict. For example, a family tradition to go to church on Easter Sunday when one or more family members dislikes church. Does the family member create a conflict by being authentic to oneself and rebelling against the tradition? Or does the family member put their responsibility to the family ahead of their authentic feelings?
Another classic example is in the early stages of courting a relationship. One individual temporarily hides their authentic self to please the other. However, once the relationship gets serious their authentic self appears and then problems start. Does the couple put their responsibility to the relationship ahead of their authentic likes and dislikes to keep the peace or vice versa?
A Classic Case Where Telling is Not Teaching and Listening is Not Learning
The choice an individual makes ultimately comes down to how their parents raised them. Did their parents ever take the time to teach them how to balance responsibility vs. authenticity? What’s more, how did the parents behave when these two values were in conflict in the presence of their children?
This is a classic case where telling is not teaching and listening is not learning. The only way to teach children how to balance these two values that often conflict in crucial life moments is by example.
- Does the parent force their child to do things they don’t enjoy because of status or tradition? If so, does the child acquiesce or rebell?
- Is the parent actively rebelling against their family, community, or society?
- Is the parent actively suppressing a talent or gift they have to do something to please others or to sacrifice for the greater good of the family?
- Does the parent encourage their child to pursue a career based on their interest and passions or to pursue a career based on money alone?
The answer to these questions dictates much of how a child will grow to balance responsibility vs. authenticity as an adult.