Three Outcomes for Kids Forced by Parents to be Someone They Are Not
We’ve all heard stories of parents who push their kids into a profession or sport because of status, money, or tradition. It’s very tempting for parents to do this. Especially when a parent sees an opportunity for their children to achieve something they missed out on.
Most parents have the best intentions of their child in mind. However, it rarely if ever turns out well when you push a child to be something they are not. In fact, there are basically only three possible outcomes for a child when a parent pushes them into a profession or sport they don’t truly love.
1. Faking It Until They Make It Out On Their Own
The first possible outcome is that a child follows their parent’s orders to the best of their ability. The child essentially becomes a master at faking their love for something they don’t enjoy. They do this because they want to make their parents happy. This is usually because the child has really loving parents who have earned their respect.
By and large, this willingness to fake it only last while the child is dependent on their parents. Once the child makes it out on their own, all bets are off. As an adult who no longer depends on their parents for support they flush the years of money and time spent in whatever endeavor down the toilet and do what they have always wanted to do.
2. Bare Minimum Effort
The second possible outcome is a child follows their parent’s orders, but does it with bare minimum effort. It may appear that the child is lazy, incompetent, or simply lacking in ability for some other reason. The child doesn’t have the gumption to tell their parents they hate being pushed to do something they don’t enjoy. Instead they just give the bare minimum effort to keep the peace with their parents.
Ultimately, as the child becomes an adult they continue to follow what their parents push them into until they hit rock bottom. Worst case is that the child continues to depend on their parents for support indefinitely.
3. Outright Rebellion
The final (and worst or best based on how it’s dealt with) possible outcome is the child completely rebelles against the parent’s wishes. Classic example is the stereotypical tale of the preacher’s child who either becomes an atheist or promiscuous to a fault.
Obviously, extreme cases of rebellion often end very bad. However, there are many cases when the parent gets outside help to support the child that turn out better than any other outcome. For example, the child finds their true calling in life while still a young adult and leads a purposeful and fulfilling life.
Parents must be Detectives
Ultimately, to avoid these three outcomes it’s up to parents to act as detectives. In my opinion, detective skills are among the most important skills a parent must have.
As a detective, parents must do many of the things of a traditional professional detective. Investigate, interview, examine, observe, record, and follow-up among other things.
These things should not be done in an effort to catch your children doing what you don’t want them to do. Instead, parents must do these things to discover their child’s strengths as well as what innately motivates them. Parent’s must discover what makes their child tick and find ways to help them do more of that.
This means prioritizing a child’s gifts, passions, motivations, and interest above those of the parent. When this is done, the best possible outcome for a child’s life becomes the most likely outcome.