This Element of Self-Motivation is Difficult for Many Sports Parents
Self-motivation is the primary ingredient you need to pursue a difficult goal. It’s exponentially harder to achieve a difficult goal when you don’t have motivation that comes from within. In the short term, a promise of a reward or the fear of punishment can be all the motivation you need. However, in the time required to pursue longer term difficult goals, self-motivation is a must.
What’s more, overusing rewards and punishments in the short term reduces self-motivation in the long term. The reason for this is that rewards and punishments promote short-term tactical thinking over long term strategic thinking. Most, if not all longer term difficult goals require strategic thinking.
With this in mind, when it comes to youth sports, far too many hard core sports parents miss this point. These parents have a hard time understanding why using rewards and punishments sacrifices the long term for the short term.
On the surface, these parents understand that when children do things they enjoy (i.e. play video games), they put all of their energy and effort into doing that activity to the best of their ability. These parents also understand that when children do things they are forced to do, they will only do the bare minimum.
All sports parents know the bare minimum is unacceptable. This is why so many turn to using rewards and punishments. The fact is, playing sports is fun. But sacrificing and grinding to be the best when friends are playing video games is challenging for most kids. Instead of working through this challenge patiently, some parents take the shortcut of using rewards and punishments instead.
Self-Motivation For Things That Are Fun VS. Self-Motivation For Things That Are Important
The parents who choose the reward and punishment path often think that self-motivation is only for things that are fun. Therefore, they believe that without the promise of a reward or the fear of punishment kids won’t have the self-motivation to choose work over playing video games with friends. However, this simply is just not true.
A critical part of the maturing process for all children is developing the self-motivation to do things that aren’t fun but are important. Everything from brushing and flossing teeth to taking out the garbage, to training on the weekend to be the best at their sport.
When someone does something important that’s not fun without the need of a reward or punishment, that’s what we call taking responsibility. Furthermore, responsibility is the critical element of self-motivation that overrides the desire of fun.
This leads to the element of self-motivation that many sports parents find difficult to accept. If you constantly use rewards and punishments to motivate your child to train to be the best, that child will never take responsibility for the process. If they never take responsibility for the process, they will never be the best when it actually matters.