Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

The older my two boys get, the more it sinks in how parenting really works. My understanding has become even more acute now that I’m working my way through the teen years. It’s during these teen years that you truly test your parenting style.

All those years dealing with the mini-me version of a child is just preparation. The stakes are higher moving into high school, and when you face rough waters it’s paramount to have confidence in your ability to navigate. What’s more, it’s important to realize your parenting superpowers are stronger than you think.

This concept of parenting superpowers first hit me a few years back. I noticed myself saying many of the same things my parents would say to me 30 years ago to my sons. Unquestionably, this is a self-aware moment many if not all parents eventually have. However, this moment is much more significant than you think. It’s the equivalent of a superhero creation story.

If you are not a fan of superhero movies like me, then a basic explanation of a creation story is the backstory of how a superhero got his or her powers. For every superhero it’s a slightly different variation of a similar story. The same thing goes for parents.

At some point in this creation backstory the hero usually starts off using their powers wrong, screwing things up until something happens. This something is their self-aware moment. It’s at this point when they learn how to use their powers for good (or for evil if they turn out to be a villain).

The Parenting Superpower of Influence

For parents, the one superpower we all have in common is the power of influence. Unfortunately, the power of influence has limits. It doesn’t work immediately and it doesn’t work broadly.

1. A parent’s influence could take years to impact a child. For some parents who live by the mantra do what I say not what I do, their power of influence is much weaker and takes longer to reap results. For the parents who live the example, their power of influence is strong. It may only take weeks or months for their influence to reap results.
2. The power of influence has boundaries. Most parents just don’t have the ability to influence every decision their child makes. Food, music, style, friends and love are all typically outside the boundaries of influence for all but the most powerful parents. The further a parent attempts to force their powers to stretch, the weaker those powers become. A parent may even turn into a villain by trying to force their powers onto a child too broadly.

In short, it’s easy for parents to overlook and take for granted this superpower. Especially when it appears your children aren’t listening to your advice. In spite of this appearance of irreverence in the short term, be confident in your superpower to influence in the long term. Eventually, once your kids grow up the results of your parenting superpowers will reveal itself.