Counterpoint: Disciplining Kids Starts with Saying ‘Yes’ More and ‘No’ Less
The common narrative of disciplining children is all about saying ‘NO’ to the things they shouldn’t do. No to candy, no to soda, no to video games, no to social media, no to texting, and no to binge watching, among other things. Some parents think their primary job is to provide their kids with guardrails simply by being the voice of ‘NO’.
However, parenting with ‘NO’ is not providing discipline at all. Parenting with ‘NO’ is about control. On the other hand, parenting with ‘YES’ is about discipline.
Controlling your kids is stopping them from exhibiting undesirable behaviors, disciplining your kids is convincing them to want to do the desirable ones.
With this in mind, discipline can only come from the summation of hundreds of small decisions to say ‘YES’ to activities that are beneficial. These decisions to say ‘YES’ are made as a result of a belief system. Without this belief system, constantly telling a child ‘NO’ because of their lack of self-control is pointless.
That is why if you want to discipline a child, spend the majority of your time on ‘YES’ activities. This starts with understanding what unique strengths, passions, motivations, and interests make your child tick. Then using daily routines, tap into these natural tendencies to discipline them with a belief system they buy-in to.