Counterpoint: Helicopter Parenting is NOT the Problem
I don’t claim to be some type of parenting guru. I’m not a developmental psychologist and my kids are far from perfect. I’m just a dad who loves coaching my kids and helping other parents do the same. Furthermore, I’m also lucky enough to be innately gifted with the skill and will to plow through thousands of pages of research to find best practices and apply those fundamentals to my coaching approach.
With this in mind, I find it odd that smart people place so much blame for the problems kids face today on helicopter parenting. Almost every day I come across an opinion piece disparaging parents for this.
I’m not immune to this criticism either. I have several post that argue why helicopter parenting is unhealthy, because it is. However, I still think helicopter parenting gets far too much attention as it isn’t nearly one of the biggest problems most kids face today. The problem people should be talking and writing about is the lack of quality time kids get with adults because adults lack the patience to engage kids thoughtfully.
Helicopter Parenting is a Symptom For a Parent with No Patience
Helicopter parenting is just a symptom of this problem. More often than not, a parent who tries to control everything is taking a shortcut around quality time. Instead of engaging children and trying to understand what innately makes them tick, helicopter parents try to use command and control to get what they want.
Unfortunately and fortunately, helicopter parenting doesn’t get parents what they want. That is, a child who becomes a successful adult that lives a happy and fulfilling life with purpose. Controlling your child’s every move won’t get you this. What’s more, parenting with the other extreme using a laissez faire, free range attitude won’t do it either.
The only approach that research shows is likely to work far more often than not is to engage children with methods similar to the Strengths Based Parenting approach. As author Mary Reckmeyer sums up, this means “…treat children as individuals. Respect their natural inclinations, talents, and interests.“
The only way to do this is through quality time talking, listening, and engaging. Many adults would rather blame video games, phones, and social media for the ills of today’s children than take the time to do this. What’s more, this is the only way to understand how to provide alternatives to today’s omnipresent technology that tap into the innate desires these things satisfy. Being strict and taking away technology is just a band-aid. Once a kid is off on their own they will binge away until they find an alternative. Which may never happen unless they seek help.
Without doubt, helping a child tap into their innate gifts, talents, motivations, and interests requires an immense amount of patience. Something that both helicopter parents and free range parents lack. That is why adults who lack patience is ultimately the biggest problem children face.