Fact: Parents Can Push a Child to Good, But Can’t Push a Child to Great
There is a simple truth about parenting that’s hard to understand and accept. Pushing a child to do better, be better, and achieve more has limits and may even do harm. These limits and the potential harm may not appear until it’s too late to self-correct. This is the cautionary tale that I’m warning you about today.
When a child is first starting to develop their independence around 3rd or 4th grade, pushing a child still works. At these younger ages you can push your child to do better, be better, and achieve more than any other child in their age group. This early success can be very gratifying for a parent. Unfortunately, early success that’s a result of heavy handed parental influence backfires.
As a child matures into the adolescent years, the playing field changes. It’s in this stage of development that true elite talent starts to emerge. This is because some adolescent children start to develop their true passions in life. Passion that fuels self-motivation, that in turn fuels determination.
When you compare an adolescent that had early success as a result of heavy handed parental influence against a self-motivated child that is a “late bloomer” there is a stark difference. More often than not, the early achiever will plateau at good and the late bloomer will accelerate to great.
Don’t Risk Sacrificing Great for Good
The common reason for this is that the early achiever will want success to please their parents, while the late bloomer will want success for themselves. Those who are self-motivated will always have an advantage over those who are pushed by external motivation.
The best thing a parent can do when they can’t help themselves when it comes to pushing their child, is to push their child to find self-motivation. This means helping your child learn about their innate strengths and use those strengths. This also means helping your child with self-discovery and giving them the tools they need to tap into what uniquely makes them tick.
Once a child develops the skills to motivate themselves, the sky’s the limit. I have an assessment specifically for parents of youth, middle, and high school wrestlers that can accelerate this process. I also help other athletes and students with this through my family coaching program.
The fact is, when you push your child too much you sacrifice finding their great just to push them to good. Pushing a child to good can get them into a great college, but this may sacrifice their ability to graduate. Pushing a child to good can make them look successful on paper, but this may sacrifice their success in life.
These are the risk of pushing a child to good. Good is just not good enough to risk these outcomes. In short, these risk are just not worth it.