Do’s and Don’ts For Helping a Child Who Lacks Motivation
Research shows that self-motivated kids are happier and healthier than those who are not. Parents intuitively know this is true. As a result, most parents take a variety of steps to help foster a child’s self-motivation.
However, no matter how bad a parent wants this for their child, unfortunately some children just won’t budge. Some children just seem to resist showing self-motivation in areas that a parent desires. As a parent, I know first hand how frustrating it is when you child is only motivated to play video games, eat unhealthy food, and interact with their friends using technology.
This is on the extreme side, but it’s not far from reality for many. Subsequently, parents would rather use punishments, bribery and other carrot and stick tactics than let their children naturally figure things out on their own. While this may address motivation problems in the short run, it does nothing in the long run. Carrot and stick motivation is a band-aid and risk causing more problems than it fixes.
With that said, here are 4 other do’s and don’ts for helping a child who lacks motivation.
Don’t Waste Time Giving the Same Lecture Over and Over
My wife has a great quote about learning that is very appropriate here.
Telling is not teaching, listening is not learning.
Chances are that whatever lecture you give your child about self-motivation, discipline, and sacrifice they have already heard before. There is no reason to give your child the same lecture week after week like a broken record.
Do Set Boundaries
Lecturing doesn’t build self-motivation or break bad habits. Boundaries and routines do.
So if you want a kid to spend less time playing video games and more time working towards life goals for example, establish strict boundaries on gaming time. When a child gets bored because they can’t do what they want, a gaping window opens to talk about goals, sacrifice, and how they can replace that time with something productive.
Don’t Enable Their Bad Habits
I always find it funny when a parent complains about their child’s video game and phone habits. Then when Christmas and birthday time comes around the parent buys the child a new video game and a new phone.
This is clearly sending mixed messages. Need I say more?
Do Set the Example
If a parent does not show the self-motivation to work towards meaningful goals in their life, it’s hard to tell a kid that they should. We all know that kids don’t do what you say, they do what they see.
I don’t think anyone would argue when I say the best thing parents can do to teach children how to behave is to model those behaviors themselves. Parents must intentionally show their self-motivation to be the best version of themselves in front of their children. This alone gives parents the high-ground they need when discussing self-motivation with a child.