Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

Yesterday I made a bold assertion that is fundamental to my beliefs about parenting. If a child acts lazy and is not willing to work hard, then that kid has yet to find purpose. In addition, if a parent can motivate a child to find purpose, then that parent can teach that child to love working hard to achieve that purpose.

To clarify, I’m not talking about children in general. I’m more or less talking about middle school kids and above. In my experience, it’s at this age when children are subject to adults labeling them as lazy or unmotivated. I’m personally not a fan of these labels. I personally think labels like “lazy” are shortcut excuses to avoid confronting the real problem.

However, the reality is labels like lazy are not going away. Therefore, I believe the best approach other than seeking professional help to treat medical conditions such as depression and addiction is to help the child find purpose.

What purpose means in this context is an unwavering desire to achieve a difficult goal. Furthermore, my work as a “purpose” consultant over the last 4 years has taught me that the best path to purpose discovery comes from the principle of “know thyself.” This translates to knowing:

• Strengths: Strengths are found in the areas of talent that a child seems to pick up quickly or without much effort.
• Passions: Passions are found in the activities a child gets so engrossed in that he or she seems to lose track of time and excites them to do again and again.
• Motivations: Motivations are found in the environments that a child is repeatedly drawn to.

Research shows that helping middle and high schoolers find purpose can change their life.

PURPOSEFUL YOUTH

• Youth with a sense of purpose perform better academically
• Purpose-minded youth are more health conscious and have higher self-esteem
• Purposeful youth strive to have a positive impact on themselves and the world around them
• Youth with a sense of purpose are better equipped to devise creative strategies for overcoming challenges.
• Purposeful youth are committed to other core values including humility, gratitude, and integrity
• Purpose-minded youth are more enthusiastic about their interests and focused on the broader implications of their efforts

NON-PURPOSEFUL YOUTH

• Non-purposeful youth are more focused on short-term rather than long-term goals
• Research has shown that the personal effects of purposelessness include self-absorption, depression, addictions, psycho-somatic ailments
• When young people find nothing to dedicate themselves to while growing up, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to acquire motivating belief systems later in life.
• Non-purposeful youth are significantly less likely to be open, vital, or committed to core values
• The social effects of purposelessness can cause deviant and destructive behavior, a lack of productivity, and an inability to sustain stable interpersonal relations.

Sources:
The Development of Purpose During Adolescence
William Damon, Jenni Menon, and Kendall Cotton Bronk
Exploring the Nature and Development of Purpose in Youth
Stanford University
Portraits of Purpose: A study examining the ways a sense of purpose contributes to positive youth development
Kendall Cotton Bronk

I would love to help your family if this is a need for your child. If you are interested in participating in a 5 week parent / child virtual coaching program to help your child discover purpose, contact me here.