What Parents Must Do To Teach Children About Sacrificing to Reach Goals
Sacrifice in the context of pursuing goals is not just about giving up stuff. Sacrifice is about giving up stuff that’s important or valued. This is hard for children, especially once you add peer pressure.
For example, very few children will want to go to practice when all of their friends are on Xbox Live group chatting during the launch of a new season for a popular multiplayer game. As a matter of fact, I had to face this exact situation a few months back…
In my particular situation, it was mildly important for my son not to miss practice, but I wasn’t going to force him to go. He had to make the decision to sacrifice fun for practice on his own. Ultimately, he made the decision to sacrifice fun with friends for practice.
We did have a short discussion about sacrifice before he made this decision. However, I did my best to make it very clear to him during this discussion that the decision was his. In addition, I made sure he knew I wouldn’t judge him, and that I would love and support him either way.
It almost goes without saying, but I was proud of his decision on that day. I attribute his sound decision making to the two steps I took to teach my sons to value sacrifice. One for myself and the other for my two sons.
- Personally model sacrifice in front of my kids
- Set boundaries and routines for my sons that establish appropriate habits
Step 1: Be the Example
First, if a parent is not working towards a goal that requires sacrifice it’s hard to tell a kid that they should. We all know that kids don’t do what you say, they do what they see.
For example, if a parent constantly talks about losing weight in front of their kids and continues to consume unhealthy comfort foods in front of them and not workout, then they are setting a bad precedent. The parent is showing they don’t have self-motivation to sacrifice to reach their goal. Not only is this embarrassing to do in front of your kids, it sets you up to be a hypocrite.
Once upon a time, I was that parent. Today, I am not. Furthermore, through that transition I made it a point to talk with my sons about my process. I talked with them about what I was going through mentally and why sacrifice in this context was important to my health. Not only did they get it, they became cheerleaders and accountability partners.
I don’t think anyone would argue when I say the best thing parents can do to teach children how to behave is to model those behaviors themselves. Parents must intentionally set goals and sacrifice for those goals in front of their children. This step alone gives parents the high-ground they need in discussions about sacrifice.
Step 2: Set Boundaries and Establish Routines
Second, there is one fact you must never forget when pursuing a difficult goal. Willpower doesn’t build good habits or break bad habits. Boundaries and routines do.
So if you want a kid to learn how to sacrifice playing video games for example, establish strict boundaries on gaming time. When a child gets bored because they can’t do what they want, a gaping window opens to talk about goals, sacrifice, and how they can replace that time with something productive.
Over time, forcing a healthy routine will turn into a default habit. Once you get past their resistance (which can be very challenging), your child will wear their sacrifices as a badge of honor. They will grow proud that they are sacrificing while their friends are not.