The Four Letter Word That Causes Children to Make Excuses
Yesterday I shared the #1 verbal clue that shows a child is lacking in resilience. In short, when a child has a pattern of making excuses, then there is a high likelihood that child is lacking resilience. When a child makes an excuse such as “that wasn’t fair” or “they cheated” after a loss, it’s almost cringe worthy.
However, excuses like this are just symptoms of the real problem. That real problem is a four letter word that all parents try to protect their children from. Yes, you may have guessed that four letter word is FEAR.
Fear is typically an indicator that you really care about something, like fearing for your life. In the case of a child using an excuse to mask taking ownership of a loss, it’s likely that child fears losing a major part of their identity. One way or another, that child has associated being perfect or winning to their self-worth.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It can bring the best out of some and the worst out of others. Either way, when a child has a fear tied to what they believe about themselves, it’s best to address it head on sooner rather than later.
If you are a parent of a child who makes excuses, you must:
- Teach them the coping skills to deal with fear.
- Help them build their capacity to bounce back by working on their self-efficacy.
- Give them space to develop their self-worth outside of comparing themselves to others.
- Most importantly, every day show them they have value and are loved no matter if they win or lose.