Simple Idea To Test and Develop a Middle Schoolers Self-Control
Middle school is about the age when kids should start developing the self-control they will need for success later in life. Self-control is like a muscle, it requires development to make stronger and working on it causes fatigue.
What is Self-Control
Self-control is about stopping yourself from doing what you want to do because it feels good but it’s not good for you. Or in other words, fighting against the temptation for short term pleasure that causes long term pain.
The most common example of self-control we all face is maintaining the typical 2,000 calorie diet to sustain a healthy weight. All day long we face temptation to eat unhealthy high calorie, low nutrition treats that don’t fill us up. The more self-control a person has, the more likely they will be able to fight the temptation of these treats to stay around 2,000 calories a day.
Testing Self-Control in Middle School Age Children
Many adults struggle with self-control. I’m one of those adults. So one of my goals as a father is to help my sons have better self-control than I have. With this in mind, I’m always thinking of ideas to strengthen the self-control “muscle” in my children.
Heading into summer break is the perfect time for this. During this time of year there is often less structure and more free time. Unquestionably, free time is the perfect practice field to test and develop self-control.
The idea here is simple. I like to call this the free-time/chore-time test. First, give your child 60 minutes of free time to do whatever they want and give them a tasks list of 90 minutes of chores to complete after.
After that just leave them alone.
- Don’t time them.
- Don’t monitor what they do.
- If they go overboard with their free time, don’t intervene.
- And don’t use any rewards or punishments.
If your kids are anything like my kids they will choose to play video games or watch something. Two activities that are fairly difficult to pull away from once you immerse yourself.
On one hand, if your child either attacks the chores first or transitions to the chores promptly at around the 60 minute mark, then their self-control muscle is on the right track. On the other hand, if your child gets to the 90 minute mark without being able to stop themselves then there is room for development.
Developing Self-Control
Developing your child’s self-control is done with patience, not yelling. The goal is to get your kids to choose what’s good for them over what feels good to them. You must help your child mature so they know how to choose the right thing without a parent dictating right from wrong.
This means your child must understand both the long term and short term pros and cons of their choices. Therefore, in order to develop a child’s self-control you must start with a conversation about choices and decision making. Discuss how short term pleasure can impact long term goals. Use a hypothetical situation to ask them to choose what they would do and explain the potential impacts of their choice.
What’s more, the perfect time to have this type of discussion is right after they complete the free-time/chore-time test. To be clear, one test and one conversation is a start but rarely makes a dent in progress. Just like an athlete building their biceps and triceps, you can only expect progress with structure and routine. So it’s likely you will need to test and discuss multiple times throughout the summer break.