Let’s Stop Spreading The Narrative That Most Men are Dysfunctional
I write often about being a sports parent, husband, and dad coach. In my opinion, it’s important that I write through my experiences so I can reach others who can relate. Therefore, my perspective is me speaking for myself.
I make it a point not to speak for all sports parents, all husbands, or all coaches. How can anyone do this without making gross generalizations or citing extensive research studies?
With this in mind, an author on one of my favorite blogs chose to cross this line in an area where I’m admittedly quite sensitive.
If you have been keeping up with this blog, you may notice that I frequently cite the All Pro Dad “play of the day” articles in my writings. Today’s play of the day is “How Not to Be a Better Man” and the author Dr. Joe Martin states:
The majority of men, including myself, didn’t grow up in a healthy home. And typically, the dysfunction in that home started with the father. As a result, most older men, if you ask them, will tell you they want to be a better man than their father was. And there lies the dilemma. Here’s why we, as a culture, are not becoming better men.
The Casual Trend of Perpetuating a Narrative of Dysfunctional Men With No Evidence
The first thing I thought while reading this is that the author should speak for himself. I would have no problem if he was doing this, as I empathize with the fact that he didn’t grow up in a healthy home. But to say that the majority of men didn’t grow up in a healthy home is a big reach. However, to take it even further and say that dysfunctional homes are typically the result of the father felt like a stab in the back with a valyrian steel sword.
How could a resource dedicated to empowering fathers like All Pro Dad be so tone death?
Yes, I want to be a better man than my father, but in no way is that an indictment on my dad. That’s the American dream, to be better and do better than our parents. For the author to use this as a reason to tear down a generation of older men is not only shameful, but lazy.
The majority of men I know are good men and good fathers. Both young and old. Of course, men aren’t perfect, but the majority are doing their best to be at their best. I think the majority of women I know would say the same thing.
Unfortunately, this article from All Pro Dad is not an isolated case. This fact is what triggered me to write this today. Men are quietly and quickly becoming the go to target for both self-deprecation and harsh cultural criticisms. On any given day, there are more than a handful of articles making sweeping generalizations about men being bad.
Words Matter, Stereotypes Matter, and Negative Self-talk Matters
I will admit that much of the criticism is warranted towards the specific men who deserve it. It’s a fact that some men have done many major and minor crimes against other men, women, and children throughout history. However, there is no way to justify saying that the majority of men are at fault.
If the majority of men were at fault, there would be no Father’s Day to speak of as there would not be enough father’s to celebrate. What’s more, our culture would have collapsed by now as a result of the majority of men destroying it.
The bottom line is this. Words matter, stereotypes matter, and negative self-talk matters. If our society continues to brow beat men and boys into thinking most of them are dysfunctional, unhealthy, and a burden to society, then more and more will believe it. As a result, this belief will impact behavior, self-confidence, and mindset. Furthermore, I don’t think it’s hyperbolic to say that the end result of this would be nothing less than tragic for future generations.