Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

There is a proverb from ancient Kemet/Egypt scribbled thousands of years ago by a wise man above the entrance of a pyramid that states Know Thyself. Without doubt, this is one of my favorite ancient proverbs. What’s more, after completing the book Who Am I, by psychologist Steven Reiss, PH.D., I think it makes sense to append it slightly.

Know thyself, know thy spouse, and know thy child.

With this in mind, Who Am I is a must read for this purpose. In this book Reiss breaks down human behavior into 16 basic desires. In addition, Reiss takes it a step further. He also provides simple questions to assess how important each of the 16 desires are to someone. Answering these questions creates a desire profile and provides a solid understanding of what makes someone tick.

This desire profile is a blueprint for how to know thyself, know thy spouse, and know thy child.

The 16 Basic Desires:

1. Power
2. Independence
3. Curiosity
4. Acceptance
5. Order
6. Saving
7. Honor
8. Idealism
9. Social Contact
10. Family
11. Status
12. Vengeance
13. Romance
14. Eating
15. Physical Activity
16. Tranquility

To start the book, Reiss shares the backstory of his research and how he narrowed down into these 16 desires. He also provide a quick overview of other related theories that his 16 desires either debunk or build upon. He cites theories from psychologist such as:

• N.M. Bradburn
• Sigmund Freud
• Carl Jung
• B.F. Skinner
• Carl Rogers
• Henry A. Murray
• Abraham Maslow

From here, Reiss has a simple premise for the meat of the book. He states:

If we want to know what people will do, we should find out what they desire and predict that they will try to satisfy their desires. Desire may not tell us everything we want to know about ourselves and others, but what it tells us is very important for understanding behavior and happiness.

As a result, to conclude the book Reiss puts this premise to the test in the context of relationships, work, family, sports, and spirituality. With a chapter covering each, Reiss shares some of his best nuggets of wisdom as he brings his 16 basic desire theory full circle.

In short, I firmly believe Reiss is correct in his premise. I also firmly believe that in order to get the most out of life you must know thyself, thy spouse, and thy child. Taking these two together, this book provides what I believe is the easiest way forward to start on a path to accomplish all of the above.