Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

Responsibility is the 9th core value that leads children to develop self-motivation. To be responsible is to have a job or duty to make something happen. This implies a high level of independence. Therefore, the only way you can teach a child to value responsibility is by letting go of control.

Letting go of control means giving children space to fail, make mistakes, forget, and face consequences without an adult swooping in to save the day. What’s more, letting go also means allowing children to experience loss, ridicule, embarrassment, or even bullying.

I know it sounds extreme to allow a child to experience bullying without intervention. However, overcoming a bully is a life skill that’s hard to simulate. It’s a fundamental element of being responsible for yourself.

You Can’t Teach Responsibility if You’re a Scared Parent

Unquestionably, scared parents handicap their children. Scared parents don’t provide their children independence, and without independence there is no responsibility.

There are two parenting styles in particular that are the personification of scared parenting.

1) Helicopter Parents

By now, almost everyone knows what a helicopter parent is. A helicopter parent is a parent that lives vicariously through their child. The parent’s dreams are the child’s dreams. What’s more, the parent takes full responsibility of the child’s experiences, friends, extra-curricular activities and successes. However, helicopter parents often place blame on the child for failures.

2) Snowplow Parents

Snowplow parenting is a relatively new term to define a scared parent. A snow plow parent is a parent who plows every obstacle out of their child’s path. They don’t have to place blame for a child’s failure on anyone, because failure is not an option for snowplow parents. Snowplow parents are willing to do homework for their kids, lie about their age to get them an advantage, bribe coaches, teachers, and administrators, as well as partake in other unscrupulous behavior to guarantee their child’s success. The living example of snowplow parenting are those parents involved in the widely reported 2019 college admissions bribery scandal.

The Four Basics of Raising Responsible Children

If you are not parenting with one of the two aforementioned parenting styles, then it’s likely you are already raising responsible children. It really only comes down to four basics.

1. Give your children age appropriate chores that progressively get more involved as they age
2. Teach your child appropriate grooming and hygiene standards, and then make it their responsibility to maintain that standard
3. Constantly challenge your child to speak up for him or herself and do their own work. Also, encourage them to always take responsibility for outcomes, experiences, and results.
4. Make sure your child faces the appropriate consequences when they fail to meet their responsibilities while taking into consideration that consequences are not the same as punishments.