Confessions of Forcing My Kids to Go to Wrestling Practice
Today I forced my two sons to go to wrestling practice. Forced is probably too strong of a word, as I didn’t have to physically or verbally threaten them. I would never do that. But I didn’t leave them many options to say no.
On the surface, what I did today seems contradictory to my mantra of developing self-motivation. However, today I was applying a method to my madness.
The Commitment Made Last Week
Early last week, I asked my two sons if they wanted to go to this special early practice happening today. I specifically gave them the option to tell me no. Knowing that it was going to be the day after the finals of the NCAA wrestling tournament, I knew it would be a less than ideal day to wake up early. I knew I would prefer to take it easy and not have to worry about taking them to practice. I told them that I was happy to give them the weekend off after celebrating the best three days in sports.
At that time last week, both of my sons made the same decision. They said yes, we want to go to this practice. I even gave them a second chance to reconsider the next day, and they confirmed the same answer.
The Moment of Truth
Fast forward to last night. Two hours after the finals of the NCAA tournament was over and one hour after they were suppose to be in bed. What were they doing? Up playing Fortnite…
They didn’t actually get to bed until after midnight. So when it was time to get up for an early start for their special practice session today, of course they told me they didn’t want to go anymore. As I’m reformed crazy sports dad, this was a moment of truth for me. I had two options.
- Let them change their mind because they stayed up late and were tired.
- Force them to follow through with their commitment.
Well we know I took option 2. But again, force is probably too strong of a word. I had a long, long conversation with them about commitment, follow-through, and sticking with a process even when you are tired. I told them about times in college when I stayed up late partying and still had to push myself to go to class the next day. Then I told them about how I had classmates that didn’t have this extra gear to push themselves and how they failed out of college. I shared a few other related stories about working in the real world and raising a family. Basically, I talked to them until they couldn’t listen anymore.
They begrudgingly agreed with me and got themselves together for practice.
Teaching Self-Motivation Starts with Teaching Values
It’s a fact that the harder you push your child, the more likely you will push them away. It’s far better to push your child to develop the self-motivation they need to push themselves.
In order to do this, you must start with teaching them the right values. Commitment, follow-through, and “sticktoitiveness” are all values that lead to self-motivation. I would prefer not to force my kids to anything. However, this scenario today is the classic exception. Anytime I get the opportunity to teach my kids these values, I will do my best to leverage that opportunity as best I can.