Strengths Based Parenting vs. Growth Mindset
One of my favorite sayings is something I paraphrased from the book Strengths Based Parenting.
Children are at their best when you empower them to do what they’re best at, and that’s using their strengths.
The point I’m making when I say this is that it’s better to focus on a child’s strengths instead of dwelling on their weaknesses. Another way of saying this is that you should nurture their nature and love their imperfections.
Today I got some push back from one of my readers. She felt that this was encouraging a fixed mindset over a growth mindset. Or to put it another way, encouraging people to believe that their intelligence, athletic skill, and personality are carved in stone at birth. Whereas the growth mindset encourages people to believe that qualities their born with are just the starting point. Therefore, these qualities can be developed and improved through hard work and help from others.
Putting Strengths Based Parenting in Context
This criticism made me feel slightly defensive at first. However, after thinking through her feedback I’m willing to concede that she makes a good point.
Without applying context, it’s possible for someone to view strengths based coaching as being contradictory with the growth mindset. Applying this context requires one to first reflect on Mark Twain’s story about Saint Peter.
A man died and met Saint Peter at the pearly gates. The man knew Saint Peter was very wise so he wanted to ask him a question that he had wondered throughout his life.
The man said, “Saint Peter, I have been interested in military history for years. Tell me who was the greatest general of all time?”
Saint Peter quickly responded, “Oh, that’s a simple question. It’s that man right over there.”
“You must be mistaken,” responded the man, now very perplexed. “I knew that man on earth and he was just a common laborer.”
“That’s right, my friend,” assured Saint Peter. “He would have been the greatest general of all time, if he had been a general.”
With this context in mind, it’s much easier for me to explain why strengths based coaching and the growth mindset dove tail with each other.
Aligning Strengths Based Coaching with the Growth Mindset
It’s a fact that a person’s true potential is impossible to know. It’s also a fact that the longer, harder, and more focus you put into improving something, the more you will improve.
Given that, potential is a product of your capacity to grind. By grind I mean toil for long hours with focus and effort directed at improving. Deciding whether or not to apply this grind to an area of strength or weakness is the question strengths based coaching seeks to answer.
Undoubtedly, the answer is to apply your grind to your strengths. Your strengths are found in what you truly love to do, your areas of natural talents and passions. When you have self-motivation because you love to do something, it’s by far easier to grind. Therefore, is far more likely to reach your potential grinding in an area of strength vs. grinding in a area of weakness.
The fixed mindset discourages grind. Strengths based coaching encourages grind, albeit grind applied strategically.
For example, no one is born a good writer. However, some people are born with a love of writing. A fixed mindset person who loves writing, but struggles with it would never work to improve this skill. I was one of those people. I made a change to the growth mindset and now use my love of writing everyday in this blog. This investment in working on what I love to do is the essence of the “strengths” philosophy.
As a result, the formula that aligns the growth mindset with strengths based coaching is simple.
Talent (what you love to do) x Investment (growth mindset) = Strength (increased potential)