Spotting What Drives Your Child’s Self-Motivation
I believe one of the most important things you can do as a parent is learn what drives your child’s self-motivation. Given that, you must become good at spotting behavior clues. Over the last year, I’ve spent quite a lot of time studying this concept.
Through this study, I’ve come up with 9 primary behavior clues that I believe are the easiest to spot in children during their everyday lives. These behavior clues were selected primarily from my research of the following:
- The 4 Drive Theory by Paul Lawrence and Nitin Nohria
- The 16 Basic Desires Theory by Steven Reiss
- The Self-Determination Theory by Edward L. Deci and Richard M. Ryan
1) Autonomy
- Does your child get frustrated by authority or rebel when being told what to do?
- Will your child give more effort or react with more positive feelings when given a choice between options?
- Does your child prefer individual activities over team or group activities?
2) Competence
- Is your child more likely to give their best effort when they know they will receive a grade, get a rating, or receive a score from an authority figure?
- Does your child like to show their mastery of skills to friends, teammates, coaches, spectators, teachers?
- Do you see your child correcting others (even minor mistakes) with detailed technical knowledge when it’s not their role to correct?
3) Social Bonding
- Does your child prefer team or group activities over individual activities?
- Is it common for your child to be immersed in long texting or phone conversations?
- Does your child get lonely easily and/or appear to be noticeably happier when around friends and family?
4) Social Status
- Does your child seek to acquire material things to stand out among their peers?
- Has your child run for class president or another high profile position in a school or social organization multiple times?
- Does your child like to be put in charge or given important assignments that impact others?
- Have you noticed that your child tends to brag too much about winning and/or compare themselves to others too often?
5) Accomplishment
- Can you get your child to complete tasks faster by using checklist or to-do list?
- Do you notice your child keeping track of their personal best and getting excited when they break their own records?
- Does your child avoid doing things that appear to take a long time or that don’t have a clear and visible finish line?
- Is praise and acknowledgment of success important to your child?
6) Knowledge
- Does your child enjoy non-fiction or realistic books more than fictional or fantasy books?
- Has your child shown an unusual affinity for watching documentaries?
- Does your child ask why often and seek out details on their own?
- Is it common for your child to take longer completing a tasks because they want to understand the background information before they start?
7) Excitement
- Does your child like roller coasters or extreme sports?
- Has your child shown an unusual affinity for thrillers and adventure movies?
- Is it normal for your child to wait until the last minute to get things done, but still always get the job done with a good attitude and quality?
8) Challenge
- Does your child regularly go over and beyond the requirements of a tasks?
- Has your child told you that school is too easy and/or requested extra work or harder assignments?
- Is it normal for your child to read extremely long books over 500 pages?
- Does your child prefer coaches and teachers who push them to their limits?
- Has your child requested the opportunity to compete in a higher age group or participate in some other advanced group?
9) Creativity
- Does your child prefer doing things that don’t have instructions or rules?
- Have you noticed your child getting extremely bored, sad, frustrated, or angry while doing structured or repetitive activities?
- Does your child enjoy telling stories and expressing themselves?