Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

Self-management encompasses all aspects of controlling your emotions in public and in private. Based on Daniel Goleman’s competency model this includes 6 behaviors:

1. Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check
2. Having integrity when no one is looking
3. Coping with change with a positive and flexible attitude
4. Being self-motivated to continuously improve oneself
5. Taking initiative to act on opportunities
6. Resiliency in pursuing goals

The best way to help a child develop these behaviors is to be a role model of how these behaviors benefit a person using them. Some ideas include the following

Ideas to Help a Child Understand the Benefits of Self-Management

• When you make a commitment to your child, be sure to follow through. When roadblocks cause you to struggle with follow through, talk through the situation and use it as a teaching moment about commitment.
• Take responsibility for your mistakes and emotional overreactions. Talk to your child about your mistakes and follow through with a plan to self-correct. As you follow-through with your plan, talk to your child about the benefits you are experiencing by taking personal responsibility.
• Use major life changes to show your children how to have a positive attitude about change. Then discuss with them why this is better than complaining and resisting.
• Practice family goal setting and set shared family goals. Make sure to include at least one extremely difficult goal that will require the family to show resiliency to achieve it.
• Make it a practice to learn a new skill with your child once or twice a year. For example, take an online class together or DIY a home project together. When things get difficult or frustrating, talk through the emotions you both are feeling. Then, find ways for you both to keep those emotions in check and stay focused on the goal.
• Talk to your child about your past and present experiences with integrity issues. Discuss the causes and effects of bad decision making, then discuss the moral reasons why integrity is important.

There is truly no way to “teach” a child self-management. Instead, you must help them experience the benefits and understand why it’s important. Once a child understands the why and experiences the benefits, modeling the 6 behaviors of self-management will come natural.