Consequences vs Punishments
Yesterday I wrote about why threatening punishments and the act of punishing must be used sparingly by parents. The fact of the matter is that punishments are temporary and kids can learn how to adapt to them. The more often you take a kid’s phone from them, the less impact it has.
On the other hand, consequences tend to have more of an impact on preventing unwanted behavior.
Consequences are the result of laws, rules, or agreements. What’s more, before someone faces a consequence they typically understand the laws, rules, or agreements that may impact them.
For example, most school sports require student athletes to maintain a minimum GPA to play. All student athletes understand this standard. If a student fails to meet this standard, they know they will face the consequence of not being able to play.
Having a consequence like this sets a minimum performance standard and is a deterrent from falling below it. Furthermore, this consequence is meaningful, motivates multiple people to form a support system, and has ramifications beyond the short term. These are all attributes of a well thought out consequence.
In summary, it’s far more productive for parents to have a well thought out list of consequences than to shoot from the hip with punishments. This requires documenting a list of house rules and behavior agreements, then talking through these rules and agreements as a family. This is definitely time consuming, but it’s truly one of the factors that separates good parents from great parents.