Income Inequality and Cut-Throat Competition Making “Helicopter” Parenting a Must
As a parent, it’s hard not to fear the possibility you’re doing it all wrong. With each child, you get one shot to get this parenting thing right. Over the course of a child’s 18 year journey from birth to high school graduation, thousands of “What-Ifs” haunt a parent’s mind.
What if your child:
- is not in the right school?
- doesn’t have access to the right classes
- is not doing the right extracurricular activities
- doesn’t have the right coach?
- is not on the right team?
- doesn’t have the right friends?
- is playing too many video games?
- doesn’t go the right summer camps?
This list could go on and on, and on and on. I think most parents of children born within the last 20 years would agree when I say we are all driven by some amount of fear.
21 Century Parenting Fears Driven By Rising Economic Inequality
As it turns out, our parent’s and grandparents didn’t have these fears. It’s not because they were more laid back or cared less than us. No, our fear is truly a sign of the times. Economist and author Fabrizio Zilibotti suggest that these new fears we have are purely driven by rising economic inequality in our country. In an interview done with The Atlantic Zilibotti states:
Well, parents want their children to do well in life, to be successful. And in a society that is very unequal—where there are lots of opportunities if one does well and very negative outcomes if one is less successful—parents will be more worried that their children won’t become high achievers in school. But if you go to a county where there is less inequality, parents may be less worried about that, not because they care less about their children, but because the negative outcomes aren’t as bad.
In the United States there is a vast difference in the opportunities available for the haves and have-nots. Case in point is travel sports and quality of education. With travel sports, parents often spend more than $10,000 for their children to get private coaching, go to camps, and travel to elite competitions. When it comes to education, more often than not you must live in a high-income zip code to get access to a high performing school. These are clear examples of income inequality at its core.
Your child’s access to the right travel sports experiences and the right educational experiences then shapes their perceived brand. If a parent can shape their child’s perception as having a good “brand” then the thinking is that good opportunities for college and beyond are possible.
Furthermore, I believe this is more than just perception, it’s reality. As Zilibotti points out further down in The Atlantic interview, there are structural realities in the U.S. that create a pay to play parenting system.
Given that, it’s no wonder why parents are helicoptering more than ever to play this game. If you have the time and money, a parent would be crazy to not use it to help their kids be successful.
Clearly, parents must be smarter and not zap the motivation from their kids. It’s a fact that taking shortcuts by using too much extrinsic motivation instead of developing intrinsic motivation is harmful. Other than that, parents shouldn’t be shamed for doing what they must. Until something is done about our cut-throat educational system and the structural causes of income inequality, the stakes are too high to leave raising your kids to chance.