Chris Mance II - Mental Skills Coach

A few months ago I made a commitment to myself to rethink how I discipline my kids. I am now a firm believer that discipline is not about punishing. The point of discipline is to drive a change in behavior. As a parent and a coach this distinction is critical.

The truth is, using discipline to change behavior is hard and time consuming. What’s more, treating discipline as a punishment is much easier and faster than using it to drive long term behavior changes. However, it’s far less effective.

A famous researcher on the topic found that one needs to move through 10 phases to drive a transformation. This researcher was Professor Jack Mezirow of Columbia University. His theory on transformative learning is widely viewed as the basis for driving a behavior change.

Mezirow’s Theory of Transformative Learning

1. A disorienting dilemma
2. A self examination with feelings of guilt or shame
3. A critical assessment of epistemic, sociocultural, or psychic assumptions
4. Recognition that one’s discontent and the process of transformation are shared and that others have negotiated a similar change
5. Exploration of options for new roles, relationships, and actions
6. Planning a course of action
7. Acquisition of knowledge and skills for implementing one’s plan
8. Provision trying of new roles
9. Building of competence and self-confidence in new roles and relationships
10. A reintegration into one’s life on the basis of conditions dictated by one’s perspective

Obviously, working a child or even an adult through these 10 phases as a method of discipline is unrealistic. However, knowing the theory behind behavior change is useful for simplifying it. Many like to condense it to four phases:

1. Dilemma
2. Solution
3. Taking Action
4. Transformation

While these four phases are much more simple, the hard part is having the patience to implement them over the long run. This is something I’m still working on.