The First Step to Help Your Kids Become Self-Motivated
I write often about why parents should be careful about using extrinsic motivation shortcuts over developing intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is essentially self-motivation, while extrinsic motivation comes from carrot and stick bribes, rewards, and punishments.
Research shows that self-motivated kids are happier and healthier than those who are motivated by carrot and stick tactics. I think all parents intuitively know this. When your children do an activity because they want to do it (i.e. play video games), they tend to put all of their energy and effort into doing that activity well.
With this in mind, the big questions is how do you help you kids become self-motivated to do the things you feel are best for them? I believe the first step is in teaching the right values. What values do you teach your kids:
- during your morning routine,
- at dinner time,
- on holidays and vacations,
- in how you treat your parents, siblings, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and friends,
- and by the choices you make with your free time.
Do you teach your children to value purpose, sacrifice, preparation, discipline, creativity, helping others, work ethic, commitment, community, and team work? These values are common among those who are self-motivated.
On the other hand, teaching your kids to value winning, money, fame, popularity, and titles have the opposite effect.
With that said, I believe it’s time for parents to stop spending so much time coming up with creative ways to use the carrot and stick to motivate. Instead, invest that time and energy to personally model and provide experiences that motivate children with values.